Mindless thoughts....

Sipping my coffee and slumped on my usual soft fabric sofa seat, I was under the weather a bit lately. Never could understand a lot of matters in regards to what has been happening over the days and yet, I tried to remain positive and try not to screw up my head too much lest I end up in the 6’X4’ plot earlier than expected. The sweltering hot season ain’t helping one bit but I guess, this good ol’ goat still does have some good fight left in him. Anyway, not that I am not accustomed to such unnecessary stress level and sometimes unavoidable conditions but I guess, age is really catching up.

I am never one who would just give up on any matters that I am faced with but I guess, I have learnt to slow things down and do things in a slower pace. Sometimes it is workable but sometimes it doesn’t work at all which is an added burden for me. No matter what, I have weathered all these matters the best I could. I guess, life do throw you a lot of curve balls and sometimes you get to hit the ball out of the park but sometimes the balls hit you where it hurts. No matter what, the curve balls will keep on coming no matter what and no matter how hard you try to dodge them.

I have learnt over the years that what kept me sane was basically to take the bull by the horns and then dissect the damn bull one by one. It has thus far worked but it is extremely tiring. I am way past being nice or speaking nice but far more humbled than I used to be, I guess. I have always been respectful and humble in many ways as I have been taught that way by Dad but there are times I would just lose it and be like some intolerable ruffian on the streets. You wouldn’t want to be at the end of that! I guess, it is more tolerant now but sometimes, things just riled you up for the wrong reasons. The one bloody thing I hate the most is unfairness and corrupted ways. My blood seemed to boil faster than usual and unsavoury words would spew when it comes to corrupt ways or corrupted people. I won’t mince my words when I speak of the people in authorities like bosses in high places or even bosses in the Govt. offices/departments. Sure, they are some good apples in the bunch of rotten apples and that’s the way it is. These unscrupulous people are one bunch of special breed of nitwits and BTEC ( "bo tak enough chek" in Hokkien! ). Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh…….just gotta pray more and hope that wickedness would be dealt with accordingly.

The worst part, the tag of being “the father” and “head of the house” doesn’t help my resume one bit! Nope, I ain’t running away from that honourable responsibility. It is an honour I will always cherished but sometimes, you would just marvelled at all the things you’ve gotta handle from time to time. Some are delicately sensitive, some are common sense while some can be tricky & a real nagging nuisance from time to time but most of the time, the issues you face are a real pain in the butt!  But it will always be an honour I cherish a lot! Still am a father – not running away from it.

I guess, being a father ain’t an easy job/responsibility. You’ve really have to juggle every balls available high up in the air so that you can come up with justified solutions. Sometimes, you just have no answer even though you’ve got to be “Mr. Know It All”. Guess, who is the dumb one,huh? I guess, every father would have gone through what I have gone through over the years and I really salute them.  There are days I wished the ground would open up and swallow me in while there are days I felt like I am at the pinnacle top of Mt.Everest. ( My one and only dream before I kick the damn bloody bucket! ). Yeah, I guess, as years goes by, it is rather hard to express what I want to say all this while and you tend to get a “quieter” dad!  BTW, for those who are seeking wisdom through parenthood books and so on, well, there is simply no manual to be a father, husband and friend! Everything is trial and error and the experience differs between individuals. Those so called book gurus who tells you about this and that, well, my answer is simply all “how siow” one!

Your greatest guru in your life is the experiences you go through and those experiences, including heartaches and joys, which are unique to you and you alone! I hope I am not dampening your spirit but as a father, you are expected to be stern, strong, firm yet friendly at the same time. It is tedious, balls breaking at times but the rewards can be quite an experience too, isn’t it? I guess, no one ever says to you that it would be a breeze, right? So, suck up, chin up and get on with the next situation. Cherish the hair on your head. They may /will thin out someday but on better days, you look good in them!!

So, there goes the ramblings and rumbling nonsense of an old man, right?  I guess, I must thank GOD for keeping me sane each day. Yeah, without GOD who am I and what would I have done with my life? Yeah, GOD won’t help me if I don’t even help myself when it comes to difficult situations, right? So, I am back to square one…..sip my coffee and start all over again! That’s the spirit, old boy! Live to fight another day! What you say, fellow old chaps? Let's give a good fight, shall we?