Living

It’s been a while since I last wrote anything and so, I am beginning to have the inspiration to write again. Hopefully, something good will come out of it since I now have some time on hand to write again. It is always my pleasure being able to express myself in whatever way I could and writing is what I like very much.

For about 2 month plus now, I’ve had the tremendous time of rest, relax, reflection and re-collect my entire life. Previously where I’ve had had times of insomnia, stress, depression, self-doubt and unduly bashing physically, mentally and socially, I just wanna say that I’m doing alright now. I am thankful for many who had shown much love, care and concern for me after getting out of the workplace environment. With the ever looming depressing Covid-19, economic downturn, loss of jobs and loss of source of income, there are people who snickered and sneered at my decision while a good company of people who had actually shown their support though they are not sure why I did what I did. I anticipated the reservations and the genuine love but I am a firm believer that GOD is in control of our lives.

All I want to say is that nobody knew why I did what I did except GOD, of course. I want to say that no one actually knew what I was going through and what struggles I had in my life. Not even family. Not even friends. Not even good colleagues of mine. That will always remain that way. Maybe I am an introvert, afterall despite my exterior outlook…

I’ve had the opportunity to grow in my career and yet, I’ve always believed in not joining the rat race. I know the implications, the enormous responsibility and I know the games people play for the rat race - lack of respect, lack of integrity and lack of morality in life. Lack of ambition, you may say of me but I am never like that. I’ve always been comfortable in the supportive role in whatever I did. I would rather pay the second fiddle than being the biggest dirtiest rat in the world! However, in saying that, I am also very comfortable in seeing good people climb the corporate ladder and do well. I NEVER had any envy towards anyone on this and I NEVER will. I just hate office politics, dastardly acts of dishonest ways and I do detest that very much. I would be a grand moron and stupid if I say that money wasn’t important for me but honestly, if you know me well enough, that wasn’t my whole motivation in life either. I’ve worked all my life because I was happy. I've started working as early as 12 years old as a petrol pump attendant during the school holidays and worked at my dad's workshop some days too. So, it is alright. To me, I am at work because I am happy to make new colleagues, happy to meet people, happy to learn something new each day. I do look forward to work those days. Mind you, it was hard days of work with less remunerations but I was happy because we always had good laughs, jokes and even a good solid talks over coffee or tea. I do look forward to enrich my life with experiences and to make a better day for my colleagues too if I could. Once that joy and the happiness are gone as we get some stupid corporate individual assholes snowballing and stuffing their ideas, expectations and responsibilities down our throats, I guess, I felt dead inside. That was the quintessential requirement for me. That “happiness” was gone. It was a morgue-like environment thereafter. When that’s gone, it was time for me to go. I could have gone on and stay stupid, shut my mouth up and just take the money each month but I wasn’t like that. Maybe, some of you could live with that but I just couldn’t, mate. I would rather live than die a broken-hearted, stressed and pissed off man, right? So, I decided that though I am aware that I have to watch my expenditure, spend wisely and perhaps, do some tightening around the daily budget. I am good with that as long as I get to live happily.

Look guys, I am not asking you to do what I did but just live the life you want. People today says that you can’t and you need this and that especially tons of money to do this and that. To me, you need to have a sound financial understanding of your own living and live within that means. You don’t need a whole load of money to do what you do and BE HAPPY. If you are stressed out, unhappy and broken inside, you will die faster than you think as everything in you will “shut down” because of that sinking feeling you have of yourself. To me, GOD, my Jesus, made me so whole again by giving me that perspective in life as I read His words. I could breathe better, see things better and feel better about myself these days. I could have easily languished in the bottomless pit of self-pity, depression and stress out feeling but I chose life as Jesus would have me do, yunno. The best part, I just do nothing for a while; just soak in the perspective of life and just rest,yunno. Fought too many hard battles, won some and lost some along the way. Got bruised and “injured” along the way and that’s all part and parcel of life.

Those days, people looked at me as a strong man of faith and confident but I am actually far from it as I am also weak, sinful and small in faith just like any other person. It’s that facade/mask that we all have to put up each day. That’s my honest confession. The one thing that I have never let up is my believe in Christ Jesus. I held on to Him as I wrestle each day of my life with my iniquities and my daily failures. That kept me going all these years. I do not know what you may believe in but as long you believe in GOD, it is fine with me. I do not want to court any controversy of this mad society we have today. So, I shall leave it to you to believe in whatever religion you may believe in but just believe in GOD.

The other thing is family and friends. Surround yourself with good friends while family is the ultimate. Sometimes, family may cast doubt in your life but if they love you and you love them, you take the opportunity to explain to them and speak to them while letting GOD to do the rest. Like I said, family especially your spouse, just wants one thing from you - financial security. If you could convince that woman/man with your financial strategy/savings and a good heap and doses of prayers, you’ll be alright! Frankly, sometimes, your personal well-being is a good give-away to what you have become over the years. To me, as man, you are expected to bring in the bread and the bacon for the family. It is never an easy thing but nowadays, single income earner is so history. Nowadays, both spouses are expected to be wage earners and this would help the ever evolving cost of living today. However, in saying this, it is also important for spouses to be “responsible” in what they spend, thrift upon and do the savings. It is important for us to bring in the “dough” (money) in the form of savings. That’s your responsibility but remember, what is the use if you lay down nicely in the decorated casket and waiting to be lowered down in the 6’ X4’ plot because you suddenly had an abrupt heart attack because you were busy “bringing in the bread and bacon”? Yeah. Think about it. Take care of your life and live that balanced life of wealth , health and GOD. It is so easy for people to continual fall into the mind trap that “I am bringing in the money” thus forgetting or using it as an excuse to spend further time in office and less time in building the home. Watch that trap and DON’T you ever humour yourself with that excuse! Remember, good counsels from family and good friends helps a heap along the way.

Yeah, I am well aware that not many people have that privilege to not work but like I said, plan your financial strategy in life and work towards a healthy and God-centred lifestyle. Put GOD first in everything you do and He will honour you. In many of my life travels down that winding road, I have failed tragically and miserably many many times, but GOD is always there to lift me up. I am really nothing but a poor wretched old soul but if you know GOD, He will lift you up even when no one wants to lift you up from your dumps. In saying so, you too have to be very wise in your walk of life lest you fall into set-up traps or get crushed in life by stones people throw at you. 

I seriously do not know what lies ahead of me but I am pretty sure that I’ll walk it the best way I could or at least, the way I know how. I do not have all the bloody answers to the never ending questions in life but I am sure to ask GOD when I arrived there with Him up there. For the time being , I am contented to sit this one out; gazing at the flowers ,catch up on some nice TV shows and even spend some time walking at the recreational forest at the nearby vicinity. Hopefully, my fragile life will be prolonged a little while before I meet my Maker. Here’s hoping for the best. Cheers!