“ Hey, did you know that
Anthony Bourdain is dead? ” – a friend of mine texted me over the weekend
telling me this terrible news. If you are someone who likes cooking and
enjoying food, you’ll know instantly that Anthony Bourdain is a chef
extraordinaire and a good food critic. I still remember “ A Cook’s Tour “ where
I could see Tony getting out of the Les Halle kitchen and going to many parts
of the world sampling cuisines and introducing great food fare. Skinny, dirty
looking at times but yet charming n many ways. After watching his shows on TV
from “No Reservation“ to the latest “Parts Unknown” you get a wide perspective
of what food to eat, which place to go and how to eat the food. I get a lot of inspiration watching these cooking
shows and sometimes, I try translating them in my own kitchen whenever I have
the time for it. I could say that Anthony Bourdain was the inspiration for me
to try weird food from around the world and open up my braveness in trying our
street food, actually. So, imagine my utter horror and sadness when I came to
know that Anthony Bourdain had changed his last known address permanently/
kicked the bucket for good!
Before that it was the story
of Kate Spade, fashion designer who had also decided to have a permanent change
of address. Honestly, I have no idea who she was until I took my first trip to
Johor Premium Outlet whereby some of her collection of bags were being sold.
Indeed , I was as ignorant as a bat as my daughter would gleefully informed me
that her uncle had bought her a nice Kate Spade bag from US on his return from
USA one day and I thought to myself , “ Who would want a picture of a spade on
her handbag?” Yeah, I was that dumb, initially. It was after much exhaustive
explanation and refine graphic presentation of Kate Spade handbags that I was
able to have a sense of understanding the cost, prestige and exuberance that
comes with it. Honestly, I also don’t give a two hoots what the fuss on Birkin
is all about either, if you should want to know. To me, there is a bag and as
long as you can keep your cash, lipsticks, makeup set and one hundred and one
items in the bag, viola! It’s handbag!
Period! Yeah, maybe I am too simple minded for such things! Men are such weird
creatures when it comes to ladies stuff, huh? Well, that how it is.
Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa……moreover, one handbag enough la…….. too many handbags
might attract the eyes of MACC and roving eyes , right?
Anyway, it was their death
that saddened me though…. I guess, what affected me was the way they end their
lives. That saddened me a lot. I guess, with all the hype of activities, fame ,
fortune and popularity, what really lies behind the life of that
man/woman? Who we really are when the
mask comes down and all is stripped away from us? Who are we? I guess, in the
times we live in, there is just so much happening and sometimes I believe, we
can’t cope with the demands of the fast moving mentality of society we live in.
Believe me, I have been through it and I realized that we put up our masks
faster than we can take it off. There is a real void in us sometimes. I have
seen many times, colleagues and friends put up masks in order to mask their
disappointment or hurts and yet, we play along to support that false pretense
because it is a norm in today’s society. Well, it is not, trust me. There is so
much deceit, lies, pretense and make believe bubbles that we take it all in as
if it is part of our culture and norm when in actual fact it is not. That is
what that makes me so mad at times. I
have seen corporate bosses pacifying and saying good words to their clients and
after the clients had left, cursed and swear all the way to the bathroom or
business lounge or even asked their executives to do otherwise. It can be
depressing and incredibly nauseating at times to see such blatant lies.
The two main social “killers” in
our lives today are depression and loneliness.
We can all live in a lovey dovey world in our lives when in actual fact
we are actually very down, depressed and lonely. Every one of us wants to be
recognized, loved, cared for and involved in some form of healthy lifestyle.
Sometimes along the way, we strayed from the path and we become lonely and
depressive. I guess, we are trapped sometimes with pressure of life, work,
family and expectations of our society today. The rat race mentality, “I must
have what you have“ mentality, kiasu ( takut hilang air muka ), kiasi ( takut
mati ) and kiabor ( takut bini ) mentality can bring about to depression and
loneliness.
What we need is GOD and faith
in Him today …. a good dose of commitment to God. Most of us need God only as a
last resort and we usually go to him with a shopping list of “ God, I
want……..”. Hey, look, our religion does
not teach us to do bad things, steal , cheat, lie and kill, right? Each to your
own faith but believe in the love of GOD. We have cuckoo religious leaders and
so-call teachers who teaches us to go backwards and down the drain when we
should be stronger to see the logic of such teachings. Like I said, we need GOD
in our life and this is through our own religious faith. We need to have hope,
faith and trust in GOD.
Most of the time, we have
voids in our lives because we let “others luxuries” take over GOD’s place in
our hearts. Look, I am no different from you and I have come to realize that we
are sinful at times and we need to seriously look into ourselves. We endlessly chased
the materials of life, monies, luxuries
and advancement in our careers but we lose our souls. We get busier each day
but we do not know why we get so busy in the first place. We hide under the
blanket of pretense and excuse that we need to be busy to make money for the future of our family
and children when we actually just craved for more money and luxuries.
Every time it is like the famous Singapore quip, “ Money not enough.” Fellas, we
really need to look into our soul
needs.
I do know of friends who are
happily married and yet felt so empty inside while I do know of unmarried
friends who are terribly successful and held high positions and yet feel so
lonely and depressed at the end of the day. My first solution is to seek the
will of GOD.
My second solution to
loneliness and depression is to speak to someone who truly cares for you.
Family members are a good source to start with especially your parents. Parents
who are truly concern should be patient enough to spend time to listen to the
cries from such child. I know, we, as parents, all do mistakes of being busy
and lived under the excuse of providing a better future for our child but what
is the use of all that if you see your loved one hanging at the end of the
rope, right? Imagine that. Think about it. You can play your part of being a
solution rather than handing over the rope for your loved ones to use. Sometimes,
it makes me mad when parents failed to realize that there is nothing more
important than your family and we all do mistakes along the way but we have to
move forward and do what is right. God is a God who loves family. Be assured of
that. If you can’t have family members
to understand you on this then confide in a good friend. I know it is never
easy to find such good friends but you will get a friend who will listen to you.
Never be alone in such torture. For when it becomes unbearable, you will be
filled with thoughts of ending your life from the whispers of the evil spirit
that is constantly out to take your life. Never be afraid to tell your parents
or even your family members on such matters. Friends are never far away too.
You have options. Never think that you do not have options.
Thirdly, stop the self–pity
whining on yourself. Get a grip of your life and come out from that
destruction line and path. Get a grip of yourself and tell yourself that you
are better than this and you should live victoriously. So what if you lose many
battles in your life or you may be disappointed in your lives. Many people have
failed many times and yet , they would rise up again. You can cry and whine all you want I your life
but when it’s done, it’s time to re-build our lives. Many people could not pick
themselves up after a disappointment. Like I said, we all been through that
road before, right? To some people, it is easier to pick themselves up while
there are some which are much harder and that’s where the helping hands are
needed. We all can play a part in the process of helping others. If GOD can
forgive us of our sins, why can’t we forgive ourselves and move on to better
things and learn from our mistakes? We should wake up and help those around us
who are in such difficulties. Instead we act like dumb assess and continue to
put down such people or even worse, say nasty things of such people. We really
need to lend a helping ear and hands too. Like my late dad used to say. “If you have
nothing nice to say, don’t say anything! Just help & keep your mouth
shut!“. Sound advice to me, indeed.
Fourthly, helped those who
goes through what we had gone through. By doing this we healed our hearts and
we can be part of solution to stop such tragic end. By the experience we go
through, we can see the early symptoms and signs and we can all The reward in the form
of a smile, a hug or a tears of joy are
good enough for me. Even if these are
not demonstrated, I would still feel blessed as that person would survive to
fight another day and live another day to fulfill his/her destiny in God’s
plan.
Fifth step is to get
professional help where it matters. There is absolutely nothing wrong to get
help from the counselors from the hospitals or professional body. We do have
professional help from Befrienders, Rekindle Centre for Systemic Theraphy and
even counseling theraphy in private hospitals or even government hospitals
today when you seek help earnestly. Seeking help professionally goes a long way
to the road of recovery. Never be ashamed of your condition because it saves
life when you seek help early. The stigma of “being tagged crazy” doesn’t hold
an ounce or aorta of meaning when it comes to seeking help for your condition.
You need help and you should get help. Never be afraid to seek help. That is my
earnest cry to you.
Believe me, in our long,
winding and arduous walk in life, we all would go through that notion of ending
of it all for it is the easier way out but I want you to know that it is not.
The pain and sorrow of the ones you leave behind is deafening. Don’t be
cajoled into believing nor believe the evil whisperings that leaving it all is
the best thing to do. GOD breathed life into you and you should live life
fully. Be what GOD wants you to be and GOD doesn’t take away life but GOD gives
life.
So, if you are down in
depression and loneliness, don’t lose hope, please. There are people who truly
cares for you and wants to see you live a full life. Seek help. Get help. Don’t
lose hope. Hope is what drives us to be what we are. Remember, GOD loves you, your friends love
you and your family loves you too…..
