Friday, June 15, 2018

Seek Help


“ Hey, did you know that Anthony Bourdain is dead? ” – a friend of mine texted me over the weekend telling me this terrible news. If you are someone who likes cooking and enjoying food, you’ll know instantly that Anthony Bourdain is a chef extraordinaire and a good food critic. I still remember “ A Cook’s Tour “ where I could see Tony getting out of the Les Halle kitchen and going to many parts of the world sampling cuisines and introducing great food fare. Skinny, dirty looking at times but yet charming n many ways. After watching his shows on TV from “No Reservation“ to the latest “Parts Unknown” you get a wide perspective of what food to eat, which place to go and how to eat the food.  I get a lot of inspiration watching these cooking shows and sometimes, I try translating them in my own kitchen whenever I have the time for it. I could say that Anthony Bourdain was the inspiration for me to try weird food from around the world and open up my braveness in trying our street food, actually. So, imagine my utter horror and sadness when I came to know that Anthony Bourdain had changed his last known address permanently/ kicked the bucket for good!


Before that it was the story of Kate Spade, fashion designer who had also decided to have a permanent change of address. Honestly, I have no idea who she was until I took my first trip to Johor Premium Outlet whereby some of her collection of bags were being sold. Indeed , I was as ignorant as a bat as my daughter would gleefully informed me that her uncle had bought her a nice Kate Spade bag from US on his return from USA one day and I thought to myself , “ Who would want a picture of a spade on her handbag?” Yeah, I was that dumb, initially. It was after much exhaustive explanation and refine graphic presentation of Kate Spade handbags that I was able to have a sense of understanding the cost, prestige and exuberance that comes with it. Honestly, I also don’t give a two hoots what the fuss on Birkin is all about either, if you should want to know. To me, there is a bag and as long as you can keep your cash, lipsticks, makeup set and one hundred and one items in the bag, viola! It’s  handbag! Period! Yeah, maybe I am too simple minded for such things! Men are such weird creatures when it comes to ladies stuff, huh? Well, that how it is. Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa……moreover, one handbag enough la…….. too many handbags might attract the eyes of MACC and roving eyes , right?

Anyway, it was their death that saddened me though…. I guess, what affected me was the way they end their lives. That saddened me a lot. I guess, with all the hype of activities, fame , fortune and popularity, what really lies behind the life of that man/woman?  Who we really are when the mask comes down and all is stripped away from us? Who are we? I guess, in the times we live in, there is just so much happening and sometimes I believe, we can’t cope with the demands of the fast moving mentality of society we live in. Believe me, I have been through it and I realized that we put up our masks faster than we can take it off. There is a real void in us sometimes. I have seen many times, colleagues and friends put up masks in order to mask their disappointment or hurts and yet, we play along to support that false pretense because it is a norm in today’s society. Well, it is not, trust me. There is so much deceit, lies, pretense and make believe bubbles that we take it all in as if it is part of our culture and norm when in actual fact it is not. That is what that makes me so mad at times.  I have seen corporate bosses pacifying and saying good words to their clients and after the clients had left, cursed and swear all the way to the bathroom or business lounge or even asked their executives to do otherwise. It can be depressing and incredibly nauseating at times to see such blatant lies.  


The two main social “killers” in our lives today are depression and loneliness.  We can all live in a lovey dovey world in our lives when in actual fact we are actually very down, depressed and lonely. Every one of us wants to be recognized, loved, cared for and involved in some form of healthy lifestyle. Sometimes along the way, we strayed from the path and we become lonely and depressive. I guess, we are trapped sometimes with pressure of life, work, family and expectations of our society today. The rat race mentality, “I must have what you have“ mentality, kiasu ( takut hilang air muka ), kiasi ( takut mati ) and kiabor ( takut bini ) mentality can bring about to depression and loneliness.

What we need is GOD and faith in Him today …. a good dose of commitment to God. Most of us need God only as a last resort and we usually go to him with a shopping list of “ God, I want……..”.  Hey, look, our religion does not teach us to do bad things, steal , cheat, lie and kill, right? Each to your own faith but believe in the love of GOD. We have cuckoo religious leaders and so-call teachers who teaches us to go backwards and down the drain when we should be stronger to see the logic of such teachings. Like I said, we need GOD in our life and this is through our own religious faith. We need to have hope, faith and trust in GOD.

Most of the time, we have voids in our lives because we let “others luxuries” take over GOD’s place in our hearts. Look, I am no different from you and I have come to realize that we are sinful at times and we need to seriously look into ourselves. We endlessly chased the materials of life, monies,  luxuries and advancement in our careers but we lose our souls. We get busier each day but we do not know why we get so busy in the first place. We hide under the blanket of pretense and excuse that we need to be busy  to make money for the future of our family and children when we actually just craved for more money and luxuries. Every time it is like the famous Singapore quip, “ Money not enough.” Fellas, we really  need to look into our soul needs. 

I do know of friends who are happily married and yet felt so empty inside while I do know of unmarried friends who are terribly successful and held high positions and yet feel so lonely and depressed at the end of the day. My first solution is to seek the will of GOD.

My second solution to loneliness and depression is to speak to someone who truly cares for you. Family members are a good source to start with especially your parents. Parents who are truly concern should be patient enough to spend time to listen to the cries from such child. I know, we, as parents, all do mistakes of being busy and lived under the excuse of providing a better future for our child but what is the use of all that if you see your loved one hanging at the end of the rope, right? Imagine that. Think about it. You can play your part of being a solution rather than handing over the rope for your loved ones to use. Sometimes, it makes me mad when parents failed to realize that there is nothing more important than your family and we all do mistakes along the way but we have to move forward and do what is right. God is a God who loves family. Be assured of that.  If you can’t have family members to understand you on this then confide in a good friend. I know it is never easy to find such good friends but you will get a friend who will listen to you. Never be alone in such torture. For when it becomes unbearable, you will be filled with thoughts of ending your life from the whispers of the evil spirit that is constantly out to take your life. Never be afraid to tell your parents or even your family members on such matters. Friends are never far away too. You have options. Never think that you do not have options.

Thirdly, stop the self–pity whining on yourself. Get a grip of your life and come out from that destruction line and path. Get a grip of yourself and tell yourself that you are better than this and you should live victoriously. So what if you lose many battles in your life or you may be disappointed in your lives. Many people have failed many times and yet , they would rise up again.  You can cry and whine all you want I your life but when it’s done, it’s time to re-build our lives. Many people could not pick themselves up after a disappointment. Like I said, we all been through that road before, right? To some people, it is easier to pick themselves up while there are some which are much harder and that’s where the helping hands are needed. We all can play a part in the process of helping others. If GOD can forgive us of our sins, why can’t we forgive ourselves and move on to better things and learn from our mistakes? We should wake up and help those around us who are in such difficulties. Instead we act like dumb assess and continue to put down such people or even worse, say nasty things of such people. We really need to lend a helping ear and hands too.  Like my late dad used to say. “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything! Just help & keep your mouth shut!“. Sound advice to me, indeed.

Fourthly, helped those who goes through what we had gone through. By doing this we healed our hearts and we can be part of solution to stop such tragic end. By the experience we go through, we can see the early symptoms and signs and we can all   The reward in the form of a smile, a hug or a tears of joy  are good enough for me.  Even if these are not demonstrated, I would still feel blessed as that person would survive to fight another day and live another day to fulfill his/her destiny in God’s plan.
play our part to facilitate health back into the life of a depressed and lonely person. To me , there is no greater joy than bringing joy to heart of a lonely person or a depressed person.

Fifth step is to get professional help where it matters. There is absolutely nothing wrong to get help from the counselors from the hospitals or professional body. We do have professional help from Befrienders, Rekindle Centre for Systemic Theraphy and even counseling theraphy in private hospitals or even government hospitals today when you seek help earnestly. Seeking help professionally goes a long way to the road of recovery. Never be ashamed of your condition because it saves life when you seek help early. The stigma of “being tagged crazy” doesn’t hold an ounce or aorta of meaning when it comes to seeking help for your condition. You need help and you should get help. Never be afraid to seek help. That is my earnest cry to you.


Believe me, in our long, winding and arduous walk in life, we all would go through that notion of ending of it all for it is the easier way out but I want you to know that it is not. The pain and sorrow of the ones you leave behind is deafening. Don’t be cajoled into believing nor believe the evil whisperings that leaving it all is the best thing to do. GOD breathed life into you and you should live life fully. Be what GOD wants you to be and GOD doesn’t take away life but GOD gives life.

So, if you are down in depression and loneliness, don’t lose hope, please. There are people who truly cares for you and wants to see you live a full life. Seek help. Get help. Don’t lose hope. Hope is what drives us to be what we are.  Remember, GOD loves you, your friends love you and your family loves you too….. 

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