Inside Out.....

Of late our Sunday services have had some good speakers and last Sunday, we had Bro. Bryan Tan , the CEO of the Centre of Fathering in Singapore to administer the Word. Instead of preaching the Word, somehow he was led to share his personal testimony which is a very powerful message in itself. Just like any Sunday , I was in my usual easy-self and I really thought it would be back to the usual “feel good” preaching that many had done in the past. But I must admit that the previous week short seminar on apologetics quicken my soul a little bit for more meaningful message and learning. So, please forgive my slouched soul as I headed into last Sunday. Please forgive me for being blunt or as straight as it is because I really felt that most churches today jumped in the joyful bandwagon of dishing out populist move by preaching ”safe and feel good “ messages to the congregation. Always avoiding the crunches and the absolute wake up call that are needed as we face the daunting everyday life. It is not piling more misery to our soul but at least, don’t mask the difficult times but bring out and lead the people into knowing the joy and peace behind the difficulties and daunting days ahead. Afterall, God has already pre-informed us of the harsh times ahead and the promises of joy way ahead, right? So, arise and stand tall.

Coming back to the testimony by Bro.Bryan Tan, I believe, God must have somehow impressed upon his heart to share his testimony. By the move of slides,  way after his testimony, I could see some rather good preparation of the message but somehow, he could have been led to “dump” those preparation and went for his testimony. Though we all know that testimonies are usually individual experiences with GOD and sometimes cannot be used as a yardstick for others but when testimonies are administered in sync with the heart of GOD , you will see the ripples made by the testimony. That morning, I was caught by the raw, inspiring and forthright honest sharing. It was not an easy thing to do even for a seasoned preacher or deliverer of the Word. 

What a testimony this man brought forward! I will praise Bro Bryan for what he said but I will praise him even more for what he did – reaching out to God in his desperate plea for God’s intervention for his life. Many a times, we are what we call ourselves “bodoh sombong”. Pride and proudness stifled our walk with God. This was no different to this man. Being a leader, it is much more worse for him as people perceived him as a leader who would be “alright and all good” mode. Deep down inside, this was a stupid, proud and prideful man. See the resemblances in our own lives? Many a times, we are like Bro.Bryan or somehow act like Bro Bryan. Come on, don’t look like some angels in those artificial wings of yours! They are more like horns, actually…..

We masked ourselves each Sunday under the title we get as “leaders” and “ man of influence” in our weekday career that we are so broken and dying inside. We are just another broken human being like Bro. Bryan but we are just too proud to admit it. That’s why Bro Bryan’s testimony touched my heart a lot. That’s why the grace of GOD is all we have to sustain our fragile cracked life indeed. That grace from GOD really sustained us and we better appreciate that and honor that grace from GOD! 

What Bro Bryan shared are so true and correct that we have become exceptionally good in masking ourselves and how we try to keep our “clean & squeeky good” reputation intact without people knowing the truth behind us. Bro Bryan’s sharing resonated well with me as he highlighted the very essence of what is perceived as a church leader and the expectation of how people perceived a leader. Many times, we perceived church leaders and leaders as "good people, without problems, problem solvers etc etc" but in actual fact, we are all human beings with our own folly and weaknesses too. We also drove these leaders to have to put up that mask or else, if they show any signs of weakness or stupidity, we gossiped, slandered and asked "why our leaders are like that?", right? So, many times, we, together with our leaders put up the ”mask” that we are okay and good when in actual fact, we are all very broken inside. That honesty and confession touched me a lot. That's truth and hard facts!What I really want to applaud him was for his tenacity, struggle and his strong will to reach out for help and set his life right before God. That is the whole essence of his testimony. GOD makes all things possible!

His sharing of how God lined up people of expertise to help him really encouraged me. Many a times, I too could not understand how people would come in contact with my life when storms and difficulties just overwhelmed me but GOD did it, yunno. So, I really am able to understand what he was sharing at the pulpit and I was so blessed and deeply touched by it. To me, Bro Bryan showed me that there is a lot of brokenness in all of us but if we really take the effort to reach out to our Father in Heaven, He would hear us and extend that olive branch of healing to our lives. I am truly inspired by what Bro Bryan testified in my own humble way last Sunday. 

I must say that though the world may see us as weaklings and fools for our honesty and our openness but GOD would ensure that our hearts and the condition of our hearts would always be at the right place and at peace. I take away the precious nuggets of life that was shared by Bro Bryan with much thankfulness and mindful that GOD is and always the very centre of our peace, joy and happiness. 

A Thought.....

There are many things in life that I sometimes questioned my own sanity at how some things work. I know that we are all creation of God and yet we see so much pain and suffering in this temporary world we live in. We try to dissect and make things explainable to our feeble minds and yet sometimes, we failed to grasp the actual meaning of life itself. I must be honest that there are things which I could comprehend with my limitation of wisdom and simple mind but there are also things I really fail to see the logic of it all. I just could not comprehend the iota of human feelings and the heart of things. I believe that’s why God is more interested in our hearts than anything else because when our heart goes awry, so does our screwed mind and warped soul. 

Today, Soon Ling and I together with our family friend, Abby went to visit an old friend of ours. I guess, prior to the MCO, Soon Ling and I tried to visit this old friend of ours, who is in a care home, yet, we were duly informed that no visitors are allowed due to the pandemic. Hence, days, weeks, months and years passed since our last meeting and somehow, it slipped our minds on when we could visit this friend of ours again. I’ve always remembered this friend of ours as one who is flamboyantly dressed, sprinkled with cheerfulness, speaks well and such a bubbly happy figure. However, what mighty battles and darkness that loomed behind that mask of façade ….only the wearer of the mask could understand and imagined. I make no excuse in knowing every one that crossed my life path but there are some people that you could never forget because they are outrageously lovely people and this friend of ours in one of them. I could rambled on and on in regards to this friend of ours who was such a delight in conversation and a super livewire in personality. Her smile and her so called Angmo ways were such a delight or annoyance to some. She would cheerfully and explicitly tell us on how wonderful her two children were doing overseas and how delightful her grand daughter was. She was over the moon when she talks of her two children and grand daughter. She would gleefully show pictures of her grand daughter and beamed with pride when she speaks of her children. I must admit that I really admired her for all she had done and sacrificed in her life. I remembered that she would always glide towards me and say “ Ivan, you must see this! “ and she would show pictures of her grand daughter and her achievements or sometimes, “ Ivan, come , come, I must show you this” as she whipped out photos of her son’s and daughter’s family. I never took offence to whatever she whipped out or whatever she said to me. In my heart, I genuinely believed that she is happy, doing well and so are her children. I prayed and wished her all the best. Never an iota of envy or jealousy; only joy and happiness for her and her family.

It was about two or perhaps, three years ago that I heard that this friend of ours kept having accidents and physical difficulties at home as she aged. Probably as she grows into her age, she would have difficulties physically in handling herself each day. I came to understand that she had accidental falls, unwanted cuts and bruises due to accidental knocks and skirmishes with the walls, staircase and even split levels in the home. Maybe, her balancing acts weren’t there and hence, the bruises and knocks. At the end of the day, the best option was not for her to stay alone in the house and hence, the care home/nursing home was the solution. When I first heard of her enrolment in a care home, I felt bad as this was a free spirited and bubbly personality, mind you. You can’t contained or curtailed such person as the essence of their life is the free spiritedness and that freedom of …………………expression in her. For a long time, I never believed that she belonged there but it’s for her best as she had become frail and accident proned. Afterall, it was a family decision and that’s it. The next thing I heard, she was all bundled up and sent to a care home or nursing home for the elderly. Yeah, she was elderly but she was so……….full of life but yet her failing physical mobility was creeping up on her. To me, it was such a morbid thing to do but yet there was no helper in sight to accompany her in her home and so on. Yet, it was the family’s decision to send her to the care home/nursing home whereby at least, she would be cared for. 

For a while, she seemed to be accustomed to the home and probably with the thought that it was a temporary arrangement for her, she seemed to be getting on well in her life. Soon, as the pandemic prolonged, her hopes of getting back home and doing what she wants most diminished slowly before her eyes, her hopefulness dashed; her liveliness slowly died down and extinguished. I guess, in many ways, I can’t fault what the family had to do for her. But I am often reminded of an old saying which is often repeated and rang in my ears and mind as a child – “One mother can take care of 10 children but not all 10 children can take care of one mother when she is old.”    

I am sad as she had sorta given up and today, she lay in a heap of bones and half her size; almost like a malnourished child. Bed-ridden and probably, awaiting for her call to the heavens, she did not recognized any of us and yet, she flashed her signature smile once in a while as we try to introduce ourselves to her. O what a sight! As sadness, pain and brokenness engulfed my heart, I could only say a prayer for my old friend. Out of the blue, she said, “ Ivan with a fat stomach!”. Yeah, that’s what she would call me years ago. It wasn’t complimentary to the ears or even a nice thing to say but I didn't mind. I almost broke down in joyful tears as I heard it. At least, flashes of me is still in her flawed mind………… somewhere.

Day Out in Muar

When someone suggested that we take a short trip to Muar town for some food and sight-seeing during the King’s birthday holiday, it was readily agreed upon by members of our cell group. It did not take us long to craft out the plan such as where to meet and the itinerary for the trip. It was virtually an impromptu trip which makes it all such an interesting agenda. Everyone was excited of getting out of Melaka as the traffic over the weekend was really bad as the tourists , even from the idiotic land of Singapore came by to clog up their arteries with food and messed up our roads. What was even worse was the fact that it was school holidays for our children in Malaysia! So, the roads in Melaka town were jammed packed while favourite eateries in Melaka were packed like sardines with the hoards of kiasu and kiasi making their way to these stalls. Sure, we need the in flow of tourists to generate the much needed income for our traders but when it becomes an inconvenience to the local folks, that’s where tempers would flare and blood pressure will arise indiscreetly. I guess, we , the locals, had become prisoners in our own state during weekends!

Anyway, our Muar trip started early at about 8.00am that day. Upon seeing everyone at our meeting point and exchanging pleasantries, we were off to Muar. The drive was good except for the host of traffic lights along the way. By the time of 9.05am, we were at Jalan Temenggong Ahmad for our breakfast for the day. It was a unique road side coffee shop. It was interesting to note that the coffee shop was run by a Chinese couple while the food attraction of lontong, mee rebus and satay were run by a Malay family. Now, that’s truly unique and interesting indeed. For one, it was difficult enough to find such coffeeshop combo and to see one run well by these two families was indeed a joy to all of us especially in a multi-racial society we lived in. I really missed such shops as during the early days of my life, these shops were a norm and celebrated. We got off to a good start indeed, really. Though we had to wait a bit for the tables as our group was rather large but it was good atmosphere. The eclectic olden tables and chairs were indeed a welcomed surprise for us. I sat on a really old wooden chair of the yesteryears which had visible repairs to it. Truly eclectic indeed! The food came in the form of lontong, mee rebus and satay ayam ( Chicken satay ) Soon Ling informed me that lontong was good while I enjoyed the mee rebus while the satay was sweet and fragrant with enough spices marination. Ah…..satay…what can I say, always a great welcome taste to our tastebud in the early morning!!!!! Overall, it was a very good breakfast. We were filled in our stomachs and we needed to burnt out those excesses.

We were soon off to Jalan Sisi in town for the mural art work at the lanes. We were very thankful that we were able to park our cars at the allotted car parks available. Had we gone to Jalan Sisi much later, we woud be struggling to find car parking slots. After alighting from our cars, I asked a nearby shop proprietor in regards the mural art lanes. She pointed out to me and I was very thankful for that. Our adventure soon begun. Wow! The lane walls were adorned with beautifully painted murals depicting lifestyle of Muar during the early years and also the beautiful flora and fauna of Muar. I guess, I was like a little kid being handed a candy as I really love the artwork. I even inspected some of the artwork and I must say I was very impressed indeed. Some of the mural paintings were very detailed and vibrant. I noted the painting strokes and the color layering done to give out the pleasing impact to the eye. Just like any other mural paintings, they started to fade and peeled off as the greatest enemy to any mural is the touching human hands. I was particularly impressed with the baby birds in a nest and also the giant river prawn mural of a wooden wall. The details and colors were fantastic as far as I was concerned. I was also very pleasantly surprised that there was a lane specially dedicated to the autistic children group. It was a very honorable & lovely thing to do as there were sensory walls and pathfinder walls which the children could play with. I did the hopscotch game at the lane and it certainly was such a pleasant surprise. It was like reminiscing my childhood day of playing hopscotch! Yeah, I was like a little kid,man!

After completing the walk, we were off to a Chinese restaurant in Jalan Sungai Abong for lunch. At the restaurant, we met up with Daniel, Loreen ,Mark and Grace. It was nice to see them and we became a bigger group. So, Sis Evelyn and Grace ordered the food for us consisting of fried dragon tongue fish, fried foo yong eggs,  sambal kangkong, tou foo with pumpkin sauce, stingray assam pedas, sweet potato leaves vegetable and sambal petai with squid & prawns.  What a wonderful meal indeed! The meal was fantastic and very fulfilling. The stingray assam pedas is the best I have tasted so far and I am not kidding. I really love assam pedas and I hardly miss it if it is cooked with sting ray. I must admit that fish is not my favourite but I will eat these two fish anytime of the day if they are cooked this way. The dragon tongue fish was simply heavenly and I ate it right to chewing off the bones as well. It was good for me. The foo yong eggs and the rest of the vegetables were also very good. All in all, a really lovely and hearty lunch.

We were then off to Tanjong Emas for ice kacang, rojak petis and some Muara Sungai Muar sight seeing. I was amazed when I came to know that there is a Muar River Cruise program. What a great tourism prospect indeed. The crowd to this place had started to swell and so was the blistering sun! It was hot sun all the way before and after lunch. The scorching and sweltering heat from the sun made us all cringed like hermits and sweat patches had started to appear in huge artistic fashion! Luckily, there were some shades and nice big trees which sheltered us a bit from the blistering sun. Then Soon Ling and the womenfolk were off to Stall No.4 to get our fix of ice kacang and rojak petis while Abby got us mineral water. Yunno, it was so much fun sitting below the huge trees and enjoying the shades and fellowshipping with one another. Teasing, jokes and laughters spread almost instaneously despite the heat and everyone had so much fun. Looking back at the moment, I could help but realized that this is a group of beautiful people with big big hearts. I must admit that I am so blessed spending the day with these people and just being simple folks out there. No air , simple minded and truly humble people. The joy of sharing ice kacang or rojak petis , the breaking out of smiles and laughter and the simplicity of enjoying each others’ company were indeed the order of the day. Simple folks enjoying simple joys of life. My family and I felt so blessed, humbled and honored to be in their company. The smiles etched on their faces says it all, actually. Simplicity brings a lot of cheers to my heart especially in this very complicated, confusing and corrupted world we lived in today.   

So, a big shout out of “THANK YOU” to Bro Teo, Sister Evelyn and Grace for taking us to their hometown, showing us the places and allowing us to enjoy the sights & the food of Muar town. To Bro Dinesh family, Bro Fook Meng family and not forgetting, Daniel, Loreen and Mark,  thank you too for sharing your lives with all of us on this special day.  We will and we must travel again together. Onwards march to the next destination – Kuantan! What say all of you?

A Well Respected Man - Mr. Indran

Last Saturday, my college mates and I celebrate the life of a person whom we all respected very much in our younger days and we still have the highest respect for this man even until today. He is Mr. Indran and he’s 81 today. What a glorious man and a celebrated man indeed. For me, personally, I could never say enough about this man whom had influenced my life and many others in a very special way. Yes, I never claim to know anything about this man as only his family is able to say anything about it or how he had been with them. For me, personally, I can only say that he had been the positive influence in my life during my younger days in the teaching college and what a difference he made in my life.

So, today, I want to give honour to this man, Mr. Indran, who had been a real positive influence and change in my life. I must say that because of that man, many lives were shaped for the better and that personality of this man rubbed off good in each and everyone of us. That night, as I was the emcee, I spoke the words that truly meant from my heart for Mr.Indran as I stood there as a mere human being honoring a great man indeed. He was sorta of the person that gave us the great meaning to the punchline, “ Work hard, play hard.” In Kelab Kembara, an outdoor unit during our teaching college days, he brought us, his trainee teachers, for abseiling, flying fox, camping, island stay and even mountain hiking. He ensured that we understood the safety aspects, the knots, the survival skills, forged and built true & great friendships despite our differences in culture, race and standing. 

For many of us, these activities were our first taste of what outdoor activities are all about while for people like me, I’ve always enjoyed these outdoor activities. Together with my buddy in college, Santokh Singh, we have somehow developed a great friendship with this lecturer of ours, Mr. Indran. However, despite our friendship, there was always that respect and you do not cross the line between a lecturer and a student teacher. That respect and that no nonsense attitude was what made us to respect this great man. Together with his fellow lecturer and good buddy, Mr. Bernard Lau, both these lecturers made our stay in college blissful, fun and memorable. Sure , there are good and bad memories but the life lessons we learned from these two great teachers of life made it all worthwhile. People say, you can only remember the good teachers in your life and that is exactly how it was with Mr. Indran and Mr.Bernard.

I remembered very clearly that most of my college classmates took up PJ (Pendidikan Jasmani) elective under Mr. Indran while Santokh chose Music elective and I chose Art elective. It wasn’t that we are no good in PJ but I wanted to explore the Art inclination on my side that proved to be vital in my early teaching years. I remembered one day, Mr. Indran was very upset with my friends over their PJ assignment and stormed out of the cafetaria. Before he did that he gave a tongue lashing to some of my friends in my group for shoddy work being passed up as course work. It was the first time I have seen him so upset but it made me respect him even more simply because he had been more than a lecturer to us . He is a strict disciplinarian, no nonsense and you do not take things for granted with this man. Later, I found out that these jokers were just copying each others work right to the same spelling error and pictures and hoping that Mr. Indran would just grade their assignments as it was. Rightly so that he should be mad as it was shoddy work and taking things for granted. That’s what I like about Mr. Indran. He’s meticulous in planning and getting things done. There’s no free rides from him and work is work. Get it done or you’ll get hell from him. So, that taught me a lot by looking at what he did and the values that he stood for. Sometimes, our life values are just not in the books or the head knowledge that we have. Sometimes, our lives, in this instance, the life of Mr.Indran was the good living testimony for me and the many lives that he had touched all those years. 

I guess, my only sorrow with Mr. Indran was the lesson I learnt when I could not hold on to the safety line during a flying fox activity in college. That poor man slammed into the wall and my heart broke and it haunted me for years though I still remembered it clearly. I wished I could have done it differently but I really did my best. However, I took in the lesson from this incident, learn from it and I became very particular about safety. I would go through the plans night after night prior to the trips in my head every time I take the children in my church for an outing or the Royal Rangers boys and girls for a trip to Taman Negara, islands, waterfall climbing, snorkeling, abseiling, river crossing and flying fox activities. It made me a better man when I recalled this incident and I always sleep in the bus after the trips and felt thankful that everyone was safe and blessed. That is how Mr. Indran would have felt if he were to lead us to such trips. So, sir, you made a difference in my life!

I am sure there are many wonderful stories that could have been told around a bonfire over a good bottle of whiskey but I just wanna say that Mr. Indran has been that man of wisdom, courage and boldness too. Sure, I could write more of what I have seen him do good in those years and the pages wouldn’t be enough. Suffice to say that all of our lives as a teacher trainee in the teaching college those days were somehow touched by this great man. For me and my friends, Mr. Indran is the epitome of what a man of valor, integrity and morally good man stands for. I have seen his life through that lens of life during my younger days in the teaching college. I was 21 years old then and to have someone of that value impacting your life is something noteworthy indeed. You just don’t forget such person in your life. He has indeed blessed and touched so many lives. Uptill today, my respect for him has never faltered. Still there at the top level!     

   

So, thank you so much, Mr.Indran for 81 years ( many more to come ! ) of goodness in your life and I continue to pray that God would always bless you and Mrs Indran together with your families abundantly. I pray that God’s goodness be with you always and may you continue to have a laugh or two every time you remember the lives of the trainees that had crossed your path and life.

I leave you with this :-

“The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection.”- Thomas Paine