Explanation satire

People say that “new year comes with new hopes” and with high hopes stacked heavily against this Tiger year, a lot of people are hoping to have a better year in terms of health, prosperity and daily living. Well, I hate to burst their bubble and I do intend to be “positive” in the best way I can be but I am really very skeptical. Excuse me for being a rebel rouser if I must but I really do not see any further improvements of the quality of life we are going to have. I can see only the rich getting richer while the poor getting poorer while the middle income getting down the brackets to the lower income. 

Like I said, you can throw all the knives and axes at me but it doesn’t take away the fact that people in power are fattening their pockets and lining up their banks with lots of ill-gotten gains these days. Worse of all, there is simply no shame nor any sign of remorse in what they are doing like plundering the nation’s coffers , stealing money from public funds and laughable feeble defence for such corruption and plundering ways. Get to the courts and make a mockery out of our justice system too. Corruption seemed to be the way of life and it’s okay to be corrupt, man. What a great justice system and fundamentally sound government. Our corruption buster agency is exemplary and the finest in the world indeed while our justice system is simply marvelous in ensuring the band of robbers stays on the path of robbing and plundering.  We are definitely the model for corruption practices. Simply no need for remorse and no need for shame at all! So, what does it leaves us , the general moronic public of this country? Let’s go vote these morons into office again! Yay! Bravo! Good for you! Back to our cavemen mentality, fight for our “agama and bangsa” arrogance and let’s put our country into the 3rd World country bracket and live up to our ”kais pagi,makan pagi ; kais petang, makan petang” mentality! 

So, what is the formula to stay positive for 2022? We steal everything from every living persons we have in this country and call it “ours”. We shout for blood and take a portion of everything in this country and feed our supporters till they choked and gurgled in death with ill gotten ways. In that way, we stay in power indefinitely and make sure , we sapu everything before the next moronic team takes over and try to make us live like paupers or at least, try to send us to the courts only to come back in power and make us free to plunder again. Only thing to be reminded is that :-  let’s be careful and not be killed by the Orang Utan who are damn fierce killers from the forest! Ah! By the way, our Malayan tigers like human meat as they grow older; so, we also have to be very careful as we grow older, chop trees down or play near the jungle. It is alright to cut trees down; the bigger the better but this time, let the young people do it. Old people cannot cut trees in jungle as tigers like old people meat. We should send our whole cabinet ministers in the jungle so that the tigers can eat them up. Yeah, our old Cabinet Ministers are more buttery, I guess. In that way, our tigers can get well fed, have their bedroom games and re-produce to re-stock our tiger stocks in the country. Yeah! It’s because they ate too little older people and that’s why they can’t re-produce faster. Also, I was informed that cleared areas makes it difficult for the tigers to do their Hindustan courtship dances around the trees and lest, the shortage of tigers. Maybe, just maybe, Musang King durian trees may excite the senses of the tigers and the Orang Utans these times. Afterall, we are all out for their conservation, are we not? Heaven forbides if we should lose our tigers with the shortages of trees! Maybe, we should cultivate taugeh trees to ensure the right camouflage for the tigers to mate! I dunno, you never try , you never know , right? 

Aunties & uncles, if you have not woken up from your slumber of corruption daily living, please be informed that the leaders of this country are skinning the hides off your asses as you turn over from your sleep. That is very normal of them to do it because their video equipment and recording while skinning your asses can be very blurry at times. Cannot see clearly who is doing it and what is it for. You get it or not?  Everything is taken from you under the pretense of “for the good of the country”. Wake up lar! Go and have a bowl of noodles and see how much it cost you today! Better still, go to the market and see how much does the chicken or beef cost! I don’t want to even touch on the fish prices as I deemed it as luxury these days to even eat ikan kembong/ selar or even kerisi. ( BTW, it is RM 17 -RM 22 a kilo ( retail ) , depending on where you are staying unless you catch the fishes yourself lor! ) BTW, tilapia fish also increase in price these days because their feed also too expensive and a lot of people use their feed to go fishing and catch other fishes. So, freshwater anglers and fishermen are also to be blamed for the increase in fish feeds which indirectly caused the costs of the freshwater fish to increase also ! Yeah!Yeah! With strong winds and tsunamis these days, boats cannot go out to sea and so, catch is small and therefore equates to small quantities and prices increase lor. Also, fishing nets are also very expensive these days while boat engines needs petrol/diesel. This one also equally expensive together with fish tongs, ice, transport and labour all add in to make the costs go up lah! You don’t know the hardship of the fisherman. Their jetty also kena reclaimed already. The sand kena korek and sold too. That’s why the fishes don’t come into the nets because no sandy area to mate and release eggs for reproduction which leads to less fish and more expensive lah.  Haiyah! Assam pedas ikan pari also RM 15 these days! Cannot complain because ikan pari needs sandy area and no sandy area how to catch them, right? Lay net, catch small fish equals cannot cari makan lor. Just like our MACC also – catch small fish but big fish let go. Hah! Something like that lar!

What about vegetables then? Please lar, please go to the market and get those greens and see the big increase. It is even more ridiculous when you see the prices of onions and garlic. It’s all explainable. The floods had caused a lot of vegetables to be destroyed and so, re-planting needs to be done. A lot of labour involved and nowadays, Banglas also want big money to work these days. So, costs go sky-rocket and now you know why the vegetables costs go up! That’s why we need to cut down more trees , open up new lands to plant vegetables and make vegetables cheaper lor!  If not, vegetables will be more expensive. Same with chicken also – we also need new lands and new labour to work in farms but at least, the chicken shit can be use as fertilizers. That’s the good point for the country to generate more production of chickens. But by the look of things, the two legged shapely chickens are flooding into the country more rather than the two legged featherly chickens!  Ah! By the way, the two legged shapely chickens no need to be prayed over , so not much cost involved – Open legs ; money come in / Show “half ball”, all senses go haywire – money come in!  ( Go to Thailand border and get the licence enough) while the other chickens needs to be prayed over, cut the throat, washed, cleaned, packed, transported and have certificate some more. All these are extra costs and so, that’s why chicken cost goes up too, brother! Also, feed costs also go up because the jagong they feed the chickens in our chicken farms are best in the world one and so, that costs also go up. The jagong are so yellow and good that our chickens meat looks slightly better looking  than the man lying in the iced box! So, they now try to get cheaper jagong or feeds to feed the chickens. If cannot , then maybe add more “fertilizer” to the chickens through magic chemicals and magic potions! All these are extra costs, yunno. It will shoot up the cost of poultry indefinitely! 

So, bottom line, with these clearly defined explanations,  I feel very “positive” for country  in the year 2022. NIAMAH!