Awareness 2....

In continuation of my last article " Awareness",  I would like to add that child abuse does not only covers the sexual abuse part but also the physical and verbal abuse as well. BTW, it includes bullying too which is more severe amongst the girls and in schools today. We live in a society that constantly pressurizes the young ones to profess their manhood and we actually get more hoods or hoots than man! It is no surprise that physical abuse of children are indeed on the rampant especially in broken homes or plain evilness on the part of the adults/parents involved who may be abused in their younger lives as well. Like I said, it is a vicious circle that needed a full stop. 

Let us not take every occurence and link it to this but to give an indepth study of the chain of events before concluding that the case is an abuse case. We are far too sane than to follow the herd metality when it comes to such matter but of course, each case required close scrutiny and genuinity. We need to be calm and respond accordingly when the signs of abuse are there. Generally, I believe that the signs are there and we need to correspond and react accordingly. I must confess, in all genuine honesty, that I have no pity for abusers of any kind. I remember dealing with a number of cases and it just boils my blood when things like this happen. I give not even a millimeter of breathing space to these abusers.  The excuses these abusers give are just plain pathetic and lame excuses. To me, the excuses are really just rubbish, pathetic and inhumane. 

Bullying is one of the kinds of abuse children had to endure in this society of ours. To me, a bully is just another coward pretending under the cloak of pretense authorithy or popularity. This is especially rampant in girls' schools. Mothers, take a good look at your daughter and start to see if there are changes in them which are not normal. Usually, a  girl would be too shy to mention it or even too timid to talk about it because they want to "blend" in the peers andthus, they endure the bullying. Teach your daughters to stand up for their rights and be assertive in their words, thoughts and action. It is okay to be different. It is okay to have an opinion. It is difficult for some but it will help your child a long long way in her life. I know because I have a daughter and a son too to raise up and I will defend them to bits because I love my children and that's what every good parent should /must do. We do not spoilt them by sparing the rod or disciplining them when they are wrong but we are to teach them the right way of living with the solid foundation of God's love as the main anchor in their lives.

I must say that the world is an ever-willing teacher cum parents to our children today. Don't ever let the world be the parents of our children. It only leads to a road of careless living, moral decay and joyful fun that only leads to more destruction in our humanistic values. Let us , as parents, take up our responsibility to really care and be concern with their lives. Built their lives on a sure, solid and good foundation of  God's love. Build confidence, build encouragement, be a patient listener and build support & rapport with our children. You will never know who and how you will be an inspiration to any child or even your own children. We all do mistakes and cry along the way as we raise our children with our first hand experience at parenthood but the greatest love & effort we can give to our children is to lift them up and equipped them with good values that they would not be held in the dungeon of false joy and ever-challenging spoils of the world. 

Wake up and be aware that all the money in the world would not do one bit of a good when your child is screaming for some love from you or fallen into an abyss of difficulties. That is most important as far as I am concerned. I have lived through that and I am sure there are many others who would agree with  me on this matter. Don't let chasing enough wealth be your excuse because it is always never enough and what is enough, anyway, right? Be aware and be watchful over the ills of today's world order. Keep your children safe and help keep the other people's children safe too. That is the only way we can stop these abuses!         

Awareness....

Tired and drained mentally & physically was all I could say as I arrived home after work last night. However, as I arrived home, SLing informed me of a talk which was to be held in CCC Melaka. Despite the hectic schedule and physically drained day, we decided to attend the talk and I must say that it was good that we had decided to attend this talk. I was blessed by the talk. Most important of all, there seemed to be a breakthrough in the age of topic of sexual abuse.

Perhaps, I must first of all give thanks and credit to Pastor Joanne Lee of CCC Melaka for her good support and "bravery" in being the host for the ultra-sensitive topic  of the talk which is " Awareness & Prevention of Child Sexual Abuse". I daringly and openly say that sex had been a great taboo topic in our churches today that awareness is virtually none existence or simply brushed aside with comments like " your parents should teach you", evasive and avoidance of this topic or/and this topic is even skipped during church marriage counselling sessions! Tell me if I am wrong on this matter. I personally feel that the church community and parents alike had been "careless" in this topic that many young people had turn to electronic media as their parents/teachers when it comes to sexual education. This often led to a wrong idea of what sex and sexuality is all about. We can preached about sex and quoted from the 1001 scriptures available and speak till our mouths foamed but if it has not been explicitly and thoroughly explained, it is just another wasteful talk as far as I am concerned.  Let us not forget that pornography, illicit pictures and erotic stories and media are actually a click away and every-ready parents to our children . It is important for us , as parents and adults to teach our young ones the right meaning to sex and sexuality in our society today. I agree 100% with both Lai Cheng and Evelyn, the speakers from Save & Protect the Children Organisation on the need to educate our children well in knowing their body parts with firm, assertive and sure manner. They are right in saying that we, as adults, are to listen, believe, praise and protect these children when they tell us of such abuses and to respond calmly & effectively for these children. Gone are the days when we are shy to teach our children and name parts of our body with flowery fictitious names instead of the actual real body parts names. From their presentation of a short video which was wonderfully narrated by Jo Kukathas and testimonies from child sexual abuse survivors, one can only cringed and shake one's head on how such things could have happened. Molestation and sexual abuse since the age of 8 by grandfather, raped by two girls at the age of 12 and one man , in turn, became a sexual predator in his later years, sodomised by respected village head at 10 and molested by cousin during younger days are just some of the testimonies that were shared that night. I could see that a lot of heads were shaken in disgust and there were even gasped as the video clip was played. To me, these are real problems that plaque our society today. It is a vicious cycle that need a full-stop.  So-called trusted adults, people close to the family, sexual predators and sexual offender are real. We have to recognised the fact that these predators are planners and never co-incidences while they prey on weak and low self-esteemed children after gaining the trust of the people around the child and the child itself. Children sexual abuse is real and let us not kid ourselves by turning a blind eye to this. BTW, the definition of children are those below the age of 18 years of age. Make no mistake of the age! Yes, that includes our school going teenagers too and surprised not that sexual predators can come in the form of male (85%) or female (15%) of all ages, races, any level of the people's strata and group of people.

As adults, we have a compulsory duty to protect the children in our family and our society. Let us not kid ourselves by keeping our eyes shut on these matter. Even in prisons, I was informed, that adults or sexual offenders who rape or sexually abuse children are beaten half dead by the inmates.I have said it many times before and I will say it again that if as parents, we do not know the whereabouts our our children after 10pm, we are reckless and we are presenting our children freely to the hands of these sexual predators. We need to know where our children are, who are they mixing with and what are they doing. Communication is important and it will save lives. Trust me, our children always wants to be a grown-up so fast that they are actually not thinking straight and easily landing themselves at the clutches of these predators. Afterall, growing up as an adult comes with responsibilities and another factor is that we must always feel for our child and the child of our neighbour. I have seen enough to convince me that if we continue to chase our careers, fattened our bank accounts at all cost or simply ignoring the needs of our child, we are equally guilty of messing up our children's lives. Excuses that we are all doing this for our brighter future will proved futile and meaningless over the trauma our child would have to go through. There is just too many examples and experiences to share. Suffice to say that I have seen enough to stand up and support this worthy cause of Protect & Save the Children!

YES!

Exhilarating, pulsating, nail-biting, thrilling, in awe and pure proudness is what I could describe while watching the 26th SEA Games football final between the host, Indonesia and our very own Malaysia team. What a classic match! There is no feeling to describe how proud I am towards the Malaysian team who had played their hearts out at the final. I was glued to my seat from the first whistle to the whistle that signalled the goal scored by our Malaysian team skipper, Baddrol Bakthiar. Elation, relief , two hands lifted up together with the shouts of " YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH " could have woken up my neighbours but who cares! Malaysia WON the gold medal of the 26th Edition of the SEA GAMES, man! 

I remembered the last time I cried out  " YES! YES! YES!" and jumped out of my sofa seat with both fists raised was on the 34th minute when the Malaysian team equalised after trailing 1-0 at that time! What a gem of a goal! A comedy of errors as one commentator put it but I call it a touch of class, man. I could hear my sweet wife bellowed " IVAN! Are you mad?" I didn't care, I just shouted " GOAL! GOAL GOAL!" as I pumped my two fists to the air! Yup! I was like a lunatic on the loose but it was a great feeling. Great feeling! I guess, every Malaysian would have reacted the same way as I did. I guess, if you a sports person, you can relate to what I am saying because you would understand what I am feeling. Even though I may not be putting on  a national jersey on my back, my support as a Malaysian is always there for the Malaysian team. The team deserve all praises for what they have to go through and still came up winners. They have to put up with a very hostile crowd of about 80,000 people ,  the lousy reception, treatment and the heckles/tackles on the field.

It was really a match to remember. My pick for hero of the team would be Khairul Fahmi a.k.a Apek, the goalkeeper. He was outstanding throughout the entire competition and he stopped two to three sure goals in the final. Had it been any other custodian between the post that night, it would have been a completely different story! The penalty save was really crucial and Apek did it with brilliance by diving well to stop the spot kick shot from Ferdinan Sinaga. He is a sure a pair of steady hands between the post. He deserved as much accolades as the skipper and the rest of the team members. What is heartening is that there is hope for Malaysian football which had gone through some rough patch over the years. There seemed to be a steady rise of talents and more dedication when playing for the country. I guess, just like many Malaysians, I pray that this successes will not go into their heads and missed out the real passion for the game. It is always very special representing our school, our college, our state and even  our country in any sporting events. It's special.......very special.

So, to the Malaysian SEA Games football team, WELL DONE! WELL DONE INDEED!~       

Soon Ling....

Today, I pay tribute and heartfelt admiration to one special person in my life, Soon Ling. Today, she celebrates her birthday but most important of all, she has been a tremendous confidant, a good listener , a warm & loving person and most of all, she is a great wife with endless skills of torture methodologies and pain-inflicting antics of curriculum at times! Ahh! But I was only joking! She also does have a glare and stare of a double edged sword sharper than the German or the  Japanese precision knives! Hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa................

That should put us off for being too serious, right? Anyway, Soon Ling has been and always will be very important in my life. Nope! I am not been held at knife-point or even having my nuts squeezed by a nutcracker device to say something nice but I want to share a light moment-lar.

Soon Ling is such a strong woman. Over the years , she has been a tremendous support to me and the children. If I am the hot-headed and vile-tempered rascal, she is the calm, cool and collected individual. She is really a real soother in the turbulence times and she has always been a tremendous comforter in my low ends of my life. I guess, in many ways, she is the real unsung hero in our family. What I like about her is that the dinner dishes are quite standard and predictable namely Chai Seam, mixed vegetables with broccoli, mushroom, carrots, snap peas and cauliflower , boiled ladies fingers with oyster sauce sprinkler with fried shallots,  black sauce chicken with mushroom , fried fish, fried eggs, fried beancurd with light soya sauce dressing, chicken varuval, wong kiong chicken, black sauce pork and fried luncheon meat! That should cover the list and make this article longer a bit. Hey! That's quite good already,ok? The lists had steadily grown over the years and that's an achievement, baby! Hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa................

Seriously, there is a side to her that many do not see. She is gentle, a good tongue-lasher when it warrants a good wake-up call,  a really good wife and a great mother to my children. She is always very concern for my well-being and my children's welfare. She cries easily when she is hurt or angry but she always comes out stronger after a good cry. She is always there to hug me whenever I am down or give a word of comfort every time the family is backed to the walls in all sorts of life situations. She also has a very big heart when it comes to gifts for our close friends and family.  She can be direct, sarcastic and annoying at times but she is the strength in the quiet form for this family. 

In many ways, she dedicated her life to this family of ours and her sacrifice has been enormous. How could I not love such a woman who has given everything she got for me and this family of ours? I love her to bits , actually. That is the true and bold confession of my heart and my public proclamation and attestation of my love to her . Call me a romantic fool or even an eccentric clown but I see a good woman whom I loved very much the minute I laid my eyes on her and that NEVER changed until this day! 

So, to Soon Ling, BLESSED BIRTHDAY ( 18th November ) and you are in my heart always!

Twenty-Two...

Today, twenty two (22) years ago, SLing and I scribbled our names down the intricate triplicate copy of one of the most important documents of our lives called the ROMC or commonly known as Registration Of Marriage Certificate. At that time, we were the young  and sweet 22 and 24 years old while so much passion, love and joy for one another. I guess, the same passion, love and joy is still there though the old body creaks and tweaks from time to time.

Someone asked me the other day, "How do you do it? Keeping your sanity? " I looked at that person and said simply " Quarrel each day, hate everything you do with each other and spike her drinks so that she goes to sleep early everyday! " I swear that person's eyes went two times larger and the jaw dropped! Anyway, the truth of the matter is that there is a lot of patience, give and take attitude ( more give than take, I guess! ) and a lot of mutual respect. Never mind about the physical appearance. That type of "beauty" can be "rectified" with the splashing of the tons of ringgit notes on one hundred and one cream ; but growing wider and getting some wrinkles here and there are part of the ageing process. It doesn't/should not change who we are on the inside.

Personally, the main foundation of a good marriage is the building of the trust foundation. We have to entrust our lives to one another and support one another. SLing and I built this foundation long before we penned our names down that paper. Nowadays, we see young couples practised " lip service" in everything while filling divorce papers are faster that ordering a Big Mac at McDonalds. The other thing that brought us to where we are is our non-obsession with finance. Sure! Money is important in our daily lives and our future.  We would be moronic to think that we could live on sunshine and air in this world but we have to be able to draw the line between greed and over-indulgence. Planning your finance and keeping a sound check on your financial resources are important but do not take the excuses of keeping for the future to over-hoard your finances and let it become an amplified obsession. Learn to go for short trips or even holidays and make it with the family. You don't need to go far away for your holidays. Sometimes local trips could give you immense joy by just enjoying the cool breeze or even some eye openers in terms of daily living. SLing and I have always enjoyed our short holidays whatever conditions we would be as long as we are there as a family.

Loving one another is the next factor. Though we may seemed like having a go at one another during our cat fights and the appearance of claws, SLing and I are really loving to one another. You have to love that person as a whole , to feel and be crazy enough to pen your death warrant on that paper! That's the beauty of SLing ,actually. Me? I came from a rough and tumbling world of chaotic bliss that I learned to be where I am slowly but surely! 

Forgiving and letting go of our baggages are our next formula/elixir for making it thus far. Many times, when we quarrel, we genuinely did not feel good about it. Sometimes, tempers flared and we say a lot of stupid/hurtful things along the way. I admit that I am mainly guilty for a lot of these at times. I guess, in many ways, both of us have different understanding on a lot of matter but the bottomline is how do we agree on a common ground. This is where forgiveness and a lot of heart is required. No need to dragged "old stories" and old baggages into the arguments and make it bigger than the air balloons in the sky! Move past that and focus in problem solving rather than making the problem worst.

SLing and I have also set certain rules in our lives such as zero tolerance to whatever vices. This is our real foundation all these years. We have seen in our lives how vices could really get couples into financial quandary, home-wrecking situations and head mess! We move on when it comes to things like this!  

I am not saying that we are the "bestest" couple in the world. We are still learning the curve and learning each step of our relationship every day. We may not be perfect and we do not want to be perfect or else we will probably poison one another! We falter too just like any other couples in this world.  The least we can do is live with one another and try making our lives pleasurable and enjoyable. Afterall, we all want to be happy, right? Afterall, being happy is such a subjective word. Our "happiness" definition may defer from person to person but to me, being able to spend 22 years of my life and probably another 22 more in the future with this woman, SLing  seemed alright, awesome and blissful!     

Here's a toast to 22 years of fun and more fun ( or funny - whichever comes along! ) ahead!

Pretty Girl's Birthday

 It's Ashley's birthday!

 What a cake! Yummmmmmmyyyyyyy!

 The Three "Musketeeers"

 Getting all pretty and nice!

 The ever-smiling brother, Ryan!

The pretty girl, Ashley!



Bare necessities.....

Last weekend getaway for the Royal Rangers leaders and families was probably the most "trying times" ever for the leaders and their families. You see, we went to a very basic kelong to have some time of fishing and rest. As usual, there were it's mumblings, grumblings, complaints, whining and so on but it was really an eye-opener for me. Imagine, we survived just one day without the basic necessities like bathing, proper place to sleep and weathering the hot & cold day ( the wind in the night & early morning was freezing cold!). For me, I just love the place in the sense that it had it's basic facilities like partitioned empty rooms, enough shades, toilet cum bathroom ( size of probably 4'X4' ) and enough fishing areas. I guess, many of us are not used to such "lack" of facilities as we are quite accustomed to resort-like facilities and thereby, the surface of unpleasantness.

OK, not everyone like fishing and having to face such difficulties but I am really glad we all managed to weather the difficulties not matter how difficult it was. Though some swore by their ancestral graves that they would not return to such horrid place, I know that I will come back here someday on my own. I like the place, honestly. It is basic and an angler's paradise as far as I am concerned. It is not as though I am against modern facilities but I really felt that we have been too dependent and pampered to extinction by modern conveniences that we simply forget how to live in simple ways. I love the salty breeze and the tugging of fish on my line. It gives me a thrill to feel the tugging of the fish no matter how small the fish may be. Yunno, every trip to the kelong is a learning experience. From fishing rods to lines to hooks and to baits seemed to make a difference. I have learned a lot by watching another group of anglers led by one Mr Lim. He told me that he comes here regularly which was like every month and thereby, when he deftly flicked his light long fishing rod for some bait fish, it wasn't hard to know that this was an experienced hand. It was fun being able to learn from him and he was the one who informed me that the fishing action starts at night and at the wee hours of the morning. Thanks to Errol, I was able to wake up at 4.00am and started fishing. It was at this hour till about 8.00am that I managed to catch 3 palm sizes fishes. By the way, Mr. Lim caught a nice size ikan pari, one nice ikan ebek ( sometimes known as ikan cermin ) and two good sized ikan putih! The fishes were put into a freezer box filled with ice while the smaller ones are left in the airated baby pool. So, there are fishes near the kelong but it is just that we weren't able to land those fishes because probably, we used the wrong size hooks, baits and so on. Many factors could have been the reason for the lack of landing some nice looking fish on our part but we had a great time landing those bait fishes with our Apollos size 8 and size 10. I guess, to me, seeing the young leaders and our young family members landing bait fishes and the glow on their faces are indeed priceless. Some were even terrified of putting the umpun-umpun or fishing worm on the hooks and made a mess out it causing laughter every where. These are some of the lighter moments and memories which will last in my mind and heart. I most sincerely hoped that these memories would last in these young people's heart and mind. Imagine, they don't even know how to hook a worm to a fishing hook! To me, these are the basics in which I learned long long time ago and not feel squeamish about it. By the way, the young leaders really deserved applauding for taking the trouble to help out the young ones during fishing time. It enlightened my heart a lot seeing all the effort they put in to ensure a good time at the kelong.   

At the end of the day, we had to leave the kelong after spending 24 hours there. Under the blistering sun, I kinda miss the place. To me, it was serene , doing what I like most and away from the maddening crowd, corporate political life games, murderous envy & ambitions of the corporate ladder and the ever prevalent piles of unending work. So, was I at home at the kelong during those times? YEAH, I was !~

Small people...

The most backward decision our Education Ministry can ever do is to pull the plug on the PPSMI program despite the PAGE petition and a good number of parent's disapproval for pulling the stop on this program. Ah! " Never mind, they are a small group!" - that 's what our TPPM was  probably thinking and has down played the significance of the PAGE group. Well, Mr. TPPM, I have news for you. These people are NOT a small group of irrelevant parents or individuals. These are individuals and adults with good intentions for the future of this country. They are not here to shout and gain a popularity contest with the TPPM. They are here because they really want to do something about the slackening and declining imminent death in our education system. Afterall, it has been ministers after ministers coming in and out to implement this and that and what is there to show at the end - a comedy of errors plus a whole load of comical blunders and plundering from printing books and selection of books for our schools curriculum. Well, some inflated ego-booster statistics and one peacock arrogance of an Education Minister while our children languished poorly in speaking English lest communicating in English. 

You bet, I SUPPORT PAGE group and PPSMI program - 100%. Logically, you can't implement a program such as PPSMI and then abandoned it just because of some pressure here and there just for political reasons. It is always the excuse of rural children can't cope and oppose to the use English language over the predominant Bahasa Melayu language. I came from a kampung environment and I love the kampung feeling.  My parents have always encouraged me to strive for the best in my education. I have seen that in my neighbours in our kampungs.  I have seen my parents sacrificed so much for the payment  my tuition  and so on. Wouldn't any parent - be it in the rural area, urban  or even the kampungs, do the same for their children? Yup, I see the stopping of this program was mainly due to political pressure and a grand survival to save one's skin from a political assault. There isn't an ounce of caring for what the children and parents have to go through. I KNOW because I have children studying maths and science in English and they ARE comfortable with the English language usage, ok? Have you any ounce of compassion or care for the parents and children who had invested time and money  for their future , Mr. TPPM?  Ah, why do you even bother, Mr. TPPM? Afterall, your children are probably having a whale of a time in some college/ university overseas, right?  Try not sending them there and let them "feel" the Malaysian education system and our local universities. You see, that's the problem of the politicians in this country of ours. They are allowed to send their children overseas to learn English and what not but won't lift a finger to make English a better language for all of children in this country. Look, we are already comfortable and able to converse and write Bahasa Melayu well enough.  English is the language forward in our nation today. We have to be competent in the language to able to compete globally one day. It is no wonder that our children comes back from overseas with a general degree because the level of our children's English is so low that they would have to take a proficiency test before they can even apply for the course they want or spent the 1st yearly grasping the English language. That is what is wrong with this nation of ours. It's a humiliation and a real setback for our children to be told that our English in Malaysia is not good enough for overseas requirements! That's a fact and swallow that, Mr. TPPM! That's why MOET test is there to ensure that our children can grasped the English language before they can proceed to move on in their professional course.  

It is a known fact that reliable and good reference books for maths, science and other skilled related studies are in English. If our children are not exposed to such language and have a good grasped on the English language, how are they gonna ever extract facts and have forward thinking? I am appalled when I read some of the test scripts that were handed to me by some of my friends in the teaching industry. I just don't know whether I should cry or laugh at some of the answers the students gave for their professional papers. It only shows the shallowness of our education system. When the GM of a private company complained that the engineers and technicians who graduated from our local universities/overseas universities can't even understand the English language SOP manuals, there is something critically wrong in our learning system. 

I guess, this is another blundering act by our government of the day by plugging off the PPSMI program. Hmmmmnnnnnnnn............ GE13. Now, I await with anticipation.........together will ALL the other small people......