As I sat down on my single seater sofa
after a work meeting in town in the afternoon, I could not help but reflect on
what had transpired in the morning episode yesterday. I guess, in many ways, it
kinda pricked my inner soul and made me wonder a lot. As usual, I was working
that morning and attended to a pre-arranged meeting of a client who had
requested for a later meeting as she was tied up with some matters. Little did
I know what her “matters” were and I certainly was minding my own business when
it comes to work…especially. So, I consented to the meeting to be brought
forward to Monday and that was that.
That morning, I had to wait a long
time for this client to show up and was asked to go to a nearby coffee shop for
a drink while the client (she) explained things to me. We finally met up at a
coffee shop and the client just told me from A-Z about her life and why we had
to do the meeting later in the morning and in a pre-arranged meeting. Mdm.X( to
conceal her identity ) is a 49 year old woman, a mother of two teenage
children, slim and good looking woman who works as a hairdresser. She slowly
unfolded to me her drama in life as I have asked the reason for the delay in
surveying her house loss. She patiently explained to me that she is currently
separated from her estranged husband who is at home most of the time and hence,
the reluctant to have the survey done when her husband is around.
As inquisitive and straight forward as
I was, I have asked of what had happened as I would have to give an account of
the delay in my survey work. So, Mdm.X straightened up and explained to me that
her husband is an alcoholic, controlling freak filled with jealousy pang and
abusive ways. So, she did not want her husband to be in the house when we
survey the loss at her house. She was afraid that he would get berserk and
attacked the both of us. She had left her husband about a year ago and she
would get back home to meet up with the children when he is out at work. She
then went on to explain that she could not endure the physical and mental abuse
anymore and that’s the reason she left her husband. Though I wanted to tell her
that it is none of my business to know all these but I could not help but felt
for her in many ways. Yeah, it adds up to my already long list of “amazement
with people” list.
I realised that there are many women
like Mdm.X. Trapped in a hopeless situation of physical and mental abuse while
hanging on to the only thing they know that is to stand by their husbands no
matter what. Hanging on to their only financial support and trying not to
offend that financial tree for the sake of the children and whatever reasons
they may have. They do not know where to turn to and yet when they confided in
their closest relatives and family, they were told that the man is the head of
the house and just bear it all. Worst still, some would relate how they were
like that too. It is sad that these women were consistently told to “bite the
bullet” and bear the brunt of such monstrosity. It is a vicious cycle, ladies
& gentleman.Very very vicious cycle! I find that rather disturbing and
appalling indeed. I can understand a lot of matters but I will not understand
nor stomach the fact that a man would raise his hand to strike at a woman even at
the slightest provocation. To me, this is every ounce of cowardice for smacking
a woman who is not even a physical equal to a man’s strength and yet, blows are
inflicted without a single afterthought nor care just to satisfy the craving
for power and position as “head of the house” konon.
I believe that there is definitely
something wrong with men who hit their wives. Sure, some women tends to be
talkative and sharp/toxic with their tongue but we really need to turn the
other way to avoid conflicts at times. But to raise your hands and pummelled
the woman like there is no tomorrow is extreme and dangerous. Then, we blame it
on the effects of alcohol! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Dumb moron! That is the problem when
you are so stuck up in the “men’s only world” regime. Meaning, you are taught
that men’s voices are to be heard and reign supreme and women’s voice are not
important. I believe there is a real need for men to grow up or get better
educated for they are badly brought up,man. There is a real need of balance and understanding lar....
While the men have their flaws, there
are women who are simply out of line at times. Don’t you agree? This too needed
to be addressed. If you want freedom and wisdom then you should not abuse that
privilege either. You better clean up your acts and not be snobbish and toxic
with your tongue and ways. Be a blessing rather than a curse to people, women! I have seen women who treats their husbands
like cash cow and spends everything till the bleeding leaks from the arse while
there are women who are so damn fierce, clingy, suicidal and dominant that it is no surprise to
come to know that their man would rather find solace in the arms of another
woman who are more “understanding” to their needs. Yeah, yeah, Adam took a bite
of the apple but no one talks about Eve prodding Adam to get the apple in the first
place! Adam gets the bloody stick all the time!
Yeah, it is atrocious how some women
would treat their husbands/boyfriends like some slave dogs while it is the same
for some husbands who would bark at their wives like some maid from the foreign
lands. To me, both genders are a pain in the ass when it comes to power and
authority. Oh Yeah, I have seen some pretty dominant wives around and it is
really a painful sight indeed until the partner loses their cool. I guess, many
would not raise a fuss but I believe that mutual respect and a lot of tolerance
are fairly important traits. There is a need to exercise wisdom, respect and
freedom in a relationship. When these traits are missing, you can be sure that
it is a matter of time when abuses start and explosion of profanity starts. You
can bet your last dollar, somebody is gonna get hurt real bad! ( borrowing Russell
Peter’s dad lines! )
Yeah, there are definitely more ways
than ever to see the matters. For the women supporters, you would say one thing
and for the men supporters, you would have your say on this too, right? So, I
am not going to get into those conflicts but say it as it is.
I know that it is completely none of
my business but I really felt for Mdm.X and her predicament that day. Yeah, she
did cry in my car telling how difficult it had been on her own for a year
without the financial support but she had started to re-build her life. She is,
in her own words, adjusting to a new life. She just wanted to start a new life
and daily life seemed hard each day but she was determined to start anew and
move forward. I asked her if she is ever going to go back to her hubby’s side.
She did not hesitate to say a resounding ‘NO”. Good for her, I guess.
She even joked with me to introduce
her a good man and I was wondering………….( gramps is dead.…dad is dead….my best
buddy, Teo is 53, most of my single male colleagues are half her age ………. ) Naw, I was just joking. I told her to be
strong and never succumbed to selling short of herself in life. I even told her that
she would survive if she puts her mind to it. We all have been that tiresome
road of rebuilding our lives somehow each day and I told her exactly that.
Honestly, I will never ever know whether what I said made sense or not but I
believed that I lend an ear to her that day and hear her cries. Maybe, it was a
relief for her as she told me that she did not know why she needed to tell me.
Yeah, poor me, right? I did tell her to be careful in this deceitful world we
live in today as there are just too many social vultures around and people who
would just take advantage of her in many ways. She smiled and said something
about some Chinese horoscope thingy about people like me helping her. I don’t
believe in those mumbo jumbo stuff and so, I started to walk away when my job
was done.
Yunno, how many had suffered like
Mdm.X ? Maybe too many have suffered but how do we get around that stigma, you
may ask. Maybe, just maybe that better marriage counselling and ensuring that
it is not just the rush of the flesh that matter but rather a better
understanding of each individual matters big time. Take time to get to know each
other, learn to respect the strength and weaknesses or maybe, make conscious
decisions and not just spur of the moment thingy. I dunno…… probably a need to really
understand your partner and the needs. Many of us ignored the signs and needs.
Everyone needs a hug or a word of encouragement now and then. Let’s let go of
our baggage in life and past relationships and make good of our relationship to
whom we put that ring on. The emblem of the ring is a gentle reminder that two
people had pledge their lives to be one. That is what the ring is all about
plus “suffering” too if I may be blunt!
No comments:
Post a Comment