Dissecting....

The other morning, I was listening to a delightful radio station when there came a segment whereby one of the listeners posed a dilemma to the DJ that morning. It is about a woman who faces the dilemma of should she tell her friend, who is going to marry her ex-husband, about her ex-husband abusive ways. It will be his third marriage and this woman who was his ex-wife was in a dilemma whether to say something about it or to just keep quiet. To me, this is a very good and genuine question. There was a male listener who called in and says that she should not interfere and sorta short of telling mind your own business while one DJ answered in a way that almost echoed the male listener respondent plus the fact that the abuser might have changed his ways, get on with life and so on.. The other DJ answered more practically that she could leave a hint to her friend in the form of an anonymous tip and so on to forewarn her friend of the guy's abusive ways. To me, third marriage? When will the women ever wake up,man? Change for the good? Fat chance-lar!

For me, I am just so perplexed by the responses that came by. Everyone seemed to be on the defensive and non-caring mode when it comes to issues like this. I have learned over the years that abusive men/women don't just turned angels overnight. Even if they do, which is a very small fraction or the minuteness of a fraction, it is usually associated with a religious miracle which had occurred over their lives - a certain life or death situations. I don't claim to be an expert or head shrink but I have read and seen a lot of such characters in my life time. Abusive people are all about themselves. They are so full of themselves. They have domineering traits, sly repulsive traits of enormous jealousy and the very suave talker. I have found through my experiences of dealing with abusive people is that they would beat the daylights out of their partners and the next minute, they will weep like babies seeking for forgiveness and swear by repentance as they lie through their teeth just to scrap through after the realisation of what they have done to their partners physically. Make no mistake that these are generally potentially very dangerous people who would snake their way out of the situation by the seduction play of sympathy and sweet-talking. I tell you, if only you could see what barbaric acts of physical abuse they can inflict to their partners, then probably , you would not stand at the centre of the fence and so-call " butt out" like what the one suggested by the male listener & the other DJ. 

Some people defend this kind of traits as they go about trying to "educate"/ rehabilitate these abusive people. To me, they don't change their "modus operandi" or their stripes of deceit or abuses. Probably, these so-called counsellors would be conned into thinking that there are changes when in actual fact, these abuser ply on their knowledge before they explode in a more vicious manner. Generally, the explosion of jealously, alpha male/female stand and domineering spirit will start the abuse rolling. It's that obsessive compulsive power to dominate that gripped them so much. Ask any victim of abuse or see their bruises and you will feel very sorry for them. I share this from the bottom of my heart over the experiences I have encountered. I have seen how a young man would weep his heart out seeking forgiveness on Monday and then whacks the daylight out of his girlfriend on Tuesday as if nothing had happened on Monday. That's an abuser trait!

Yes, I do have my religious inclination/obligation to forgive/"rehabilitate" such people but I seldom give an inch of fresh air to such individuals mainly because they do enjoy whacking and physically abusing their partners and most of the time, their partners suffer in silence. In return, if I may be honest, I would inflict the same treatment on them and watch the drama unfold later on. The one thing I truly cannot accept is the fact that this is even made worst when one is married to an abuser whereby in our society such as ours today, taking a beating is an accepted thing and all part of the marriage process. My answer to you is that it is a complete rubbish.and whole lot of hogwash! Marriage is about the sacredness of one's promise to God in keeping the union of two people and to protect each other. Taking a beating is NOT part of marriage as getting abuse is NOT part of our culture today.  To me,  abuse in any form would have to be stopped and it starts with YOU!

I hope that answers the dilemma the listener as far as I am concerned. The truth hurts but it needed to be told especially to a friend. Would the friend listen to such advice? I would say probably not but at least, you have  carried out your responsibility of telling the truth. Usually, abuse victims don't lie and they do have bruises to prove, ok? 

So, I do believe the listener who had called in about the dilemma and I say to you, WELL DONE and thank your lucky stars that you have walked away from a monster!