It is LIVES that matters!

They say confession is good for  the soul. So, I'm taking that step to "confess" up, actually. I've been out cold of ministry for about 10 months now and I kinda like the slumber for a while now. By slumber, I mean, I need not do any planning, have more time for myself and my family and do the things I've missed all this time. However, honestly, I still find that I needed more time to do the things I want to do but it is still always chasing the time. I do have to admit that I have become nicely acquainted with "some" newly found time but somehow, it is always not enough. 

As I found a little success in my career, the new position and responsibilities, somehow sucked up every little time I have and also, I had to deal with much more complex works which practically drowned me back to the tables. Good sleep escaped me as usual and soon, silly panda ring eyes appeared. This irked me a lot -physically, mentally and socially. I guess, the One Above always have something planned for me. BTW, who am I to resist His call? As they say, resistance is futile, I guess, it all started with the pizza and waffles fun for the youth.  There was kinda a rush of joy and blessing as the activity was held. Though I made the first few  pizzas, I have learned to pull back and let the rest finished up the activity. I was happy with what I saw and experienced. There was a welling up of joy and blessing that I had not felt for such a long time. The joy was really different. I guess, the fact that I availed myself gave SLing some uneasy time. She was just worried of my enthusiasm and was just afraid that I would be hurt again knowing my level of craziness. So, I was also cautious that I did not excite myself too much and held back a bit. But still, my heart was longing for something but I could feel the tingle of joy. 

Recently, I kinda was nudged into planning something when SYuen was put into some camp planning plans. Though I was agitated at first and planning for camp is something I really like, I didn't help out SYuen immediately. Instead, shamelessly, I got agitated in a way but God really rebuked me good, I tell you. Like I said, it's confession time for me. God just rebuked me one fine morning as I poured out my frustration and "anger" as I fell on my knees in the wee hours of the morning. God simply said this to me, "Ivan, you know this. You know what to do. It is what you do." I was stunned for a minute and yunno what, God is right. I do know what to do and how do it. It is that very gift that He has given to me. I was very ashamed of myself and I wanted to do what is right. So, I agreed to help SYuen and I started to offer my help to SYuen and the team. I did the ground work and I know that the "spanners" will come. I prayed hard each day that He would protect me as I carried out the ground work. I prayed for His favour as I spoke to leaders and the young people. I shared from my heart out as I tried to inspire the young people and the leaders in regards to the youth outing. I must confessed that I did not plan what to say that day but I know God put those words in my mouth because I really wanted to inspire the young people & leaders. That day, it may seemed a small thing/normal  for the leaders and the young people, it was a milestone step for me. It was a step of faith for me. It was good to be able to inspire, speak passionately and feel good inside. That was so important to me.

That night, as we settled down in the room, I enthusiastically shared with SLing what I had done at the meeting. I shared how these leaders encouraged me unknowingly and how their responses were  tremendous plus heartwarming. SLing asked me to slow down. Later, she said to me " If God wants to use you in His Kingdom, who am I to stop God or you. But please, take it easy and go slow, Ivan. I don't want you to be hurt anymore." I must admit that SLing has always been my greatest supporter and I really appreciate her support all these years. I thank God too that He has put the fire back in my heart to be useful in His Kingdom. I hope to start slow and I hope to take bite sizes of things as many good friends had reminded me. Thank you to the many who had prayed for me, spoke to me, encouraged me and prayed for the fire of serving back in my heart. YES! I do feel the fire and I know too that someone ain't gonna be happy but what the heck - It is  young lives that matters! It is GOD that matters! Amen!