WHY?

Yesterday, a good friend of mine shared with me about the plight of a family and somehow, I was not myself. Usually, I would be the very first to react and to start a lot of things rolling in my head. In a flash, I would be in my thinking mode and devising plans to garner support - financially or in kinds to help out this family. I would have no hesitation and I have done the giving part so many times and yet, I froze yesterday. I froze at that critical moment. I hesitated and I took a longer time to respond. What has happened to me? My friend was right when he said that I should just respond as Jesus would have responded but I didn't. I was so ashamed of myself and I am really ashamed of what I have become or turned out to be. It is like I have developed into someone I didn't recognised at all. The hesitation and the momentary pause is what I could not accept. Why have I become like this while I hate every bit that I have turned out like that. It is as though I have taken a "non-caring" stand! It really kills me inside as I am not like that, believe me!

I am one person who would not shy away from lending out a helping hand to the needy. Ask my friends and they will testify to that and sometimes to the extent that I bleed! I know that there are times I've been taken advantage of while I am not shy to let go a volley of shelling when the situation warrants it. I am not going to take away from the fact that I have turned somewhat.......cold and stoned hearted a bit. No excuses and no buts this time. That is really NOT me at all. Sheesh! It's frustrating and for one minute, I fell like a lump of useless clay on the ground. As I analyzed what I have done, I could only bring back to many examples that I have seen or participated. I have seen how stingyness has affected me as I see the examples aorund me all the time and at the same time, I have seen how hoarding has done its damage directly or indirectly in my life. I guess, I was caught up in all this when I should only focus my eyes upon the Lord. It is certainly no help at all that I "learned" a lot of this from the place I expected to be nurtured.

I seek forgiveness from God as this is really a simple straightforward responce and I have failed in that sense. I need to be awakened from my slumber , do my bit for the needy and focus on Him alone. I need to always ask myself, " WWJD?"Then I would be on the right path after being derailed by the situation around me. Like I said, never mind if we will look like fools in the eyes of men but then again, it's the Lord's account that matters, right? Forgive me, Lord. Help is on the way for the family!~