Confession of Mine....

For the past few months as my team of commanders and I started planning for this year's RR Melaka # 1 Annual Camp, I was rocked by a lot of uncertainties, pressuring life work and  unnerving questions and doubts of my own abilities in my heart and head. I must confessed that I am not only physically & spiritually challenged but mentally drained as well. There has been time when I questioned myself if I am sane enough to get this year's camp going with so much challenges coming my way and the short period of time ahead. You see, when you start doing something for GOD, the other side will get busy with schemes/plans to derail your faith with GOD. I know that I have gone through this a gazillion times before but this time it was pretty hard for me. The trying times comes fast and horrendously more challenging than the last one. I have taken the opportunity to hide all that I felt in my heart and at times, the shower room is my last comfort place. I cried my heart out and I raved my lungs out in the shower room amidst the torrential blizzard of water. I am very handicapped by my physical well-being lately as I have had difficulties in breathing properly after a workout or even great adjustment to my health conditions. I kept a lot of my physical condition away from family and friends as I did not want them to worry until the end of the camp. I was also very upset and down when I had to get into a difficult situation with a friend who wasn't focused at that time while my heart was truly focused in getting the camp planned for the children. I wasn't mad or angry with this friend; I was just dissappointed, that's all. I am constantly reminded that our rewards are in Heaven waiting for us if we would just do His works for the children whom we are entrusted to inspire and to teach His ways. 

I must confessed that a few months ago, I had this tugging in my heart to organise a camp for the RR children. I must tell you that I struggled with the tugging in my heart. I even tried putting off the tugging and tried to reasoned with my not-so-good physical condition but to no avail. GOD was persistent in pursuing me and I was just being disobedient. No matter what, GOD's urging in the Word , "Do not fear!" rings loud and clear in my heart and head. Finally, I relented and I told GOD that I will do it but for the last time, please! I really felt that I can't keep on doing this as it can be quite taxing for me. I guess, GOD knows best, right? 

My first order of the day was to search for the camp site. I consulted my good buddy , Vive and he eventually suggested that I take a look at MyGopeng Resort in Gopeng , Perak. At first I was buoyed by the distance we are going to travel for a camp but somehow, I knew in my heart that good campsites need travelling. So, I made arrangements to go to Penang with the family and made a specific trip to MyGopeng Resort to have a look at the place. During our tour there , I met up with Yusof, the guide. We chatted up about the place and I asked God in my heart if this is the place HE wants us to be. My heart was at peace and I knew instantly that this was going to be our camp site for our annual camp. The rest, as they say, was history, I guess. The one thing that struck my mind the most was our meeting with the CEO of MyGopeng Resort, Mr. Lim K.S. I am amazed how God had arranged everything and our discussion on camp fees per person were struck and how one good handshake sealed the deal for our camp. If that is not God's grace and favour, what can it be? Then, I searched for the camp theme and the camp scripture. It came easily to me but there is one problem - the camp scripture impressed upon my heart is Isaiah 41:10. This was the same scripture as our camp in Eagle Ranch Camp in Port Dickson ( Camp theme: Faith In, Fear Out! ) I prayed for days on this and I was impressed that this is a continuation of what God wants to do to each and everyone of us in this times. So, birthed " Stand Up, Move On! ". I am amazed by GOD's great and amazing works He is doing. So, I obeyed and came up with the camp theme and the camp scripture. I also prayed to the Lord for HIM to grant me this favour to convince my leaders on the camp, camp theme and camp scripture. But first, I had to convince my core mature leaders in Errol , Jessica, Steven and Jason about this camp before I could bring it up to my upcoming leaders in Stefanie, Bryan Lee, John, Stephen, Ivy, Daniel, JWee, Josephine, Lewis, SYuen, Jocelyn, Bryan Chiew and Paul. Upon receipt of their approval of the camp, the ground work begun. Camp forms, camp details, programs and all the minute details were discussed week after week. It wasn't easy too when we had to deal with the assigned representative of the resort who didn't understand our needs. I had to drill into him on our camp costs and activity needed for our camp. It was an enormous camp cost involved while I had to keep the camp fees affordable while ensuring maximum participation for the camp. It was days of tough discussions and decision making.  Initially, in my moments of flawed thinking, I had wanted to maintain our regular camp fees which was virtually impossible to pay for the enormous camp fees involved. After much discussion, I finally admitted, understood and accepted the advice and constructive criticism that cost have gone up and we can't maintain our former camp fees as costs for food, accommodation and gas had escalated so much over the years. I owned up that I was wrong and I needed to hear from my fellow leaders and friends. I prayed that GOD would help us in this matter and we finally settled on tier camp fees to softened the enormous camp fees involved. Thank God for the support from our church and our fellow supporters that we were able to get the necessary camp fees. With sponsorship pledge made by friends, commanders and I, we were able to sponsor some camp cost and some children. That was truly the rewarding feeling knowing that we were able to run our camp with the "just nice" resources we have. To be honest, we had about RM 100.00 as float money for any eventualities during the camp and I was more than happy! Praise God for that! 

Then came the participants and safety aspects. I was adamant on the need to have the right minded participants for the camps. This time my team and I decided to give the opportunity to Ranger Kids to join in as well. I gave out a lot of camp forms with specific instructions that the camp forms be handed in before the last date of registration. I guess, it's the habitual late handing in of camp forms that really stressed me out. There were a lot of late registrations and pull outs which were not a good thing for me. I was really stressed out by this as I had to confirmed with the resort on my participants while I had to get the initial payment in a month before the camp and 8 days before the camp for final payments. My integrity was on the line when I shook that hands of the CEO of MyGopeng Resort as a Christian - this was very important to me. They needed a name list and a breakdown in males and females for accommodation placement. I then started having heart palpitations for several weeks but I kept this info from family and friends. I take it all in good spirit and I asked the Lord for HIS strength upon my life. Slowly but surely, my heart palpitations stopped and I am able to carry on with my planning.  One night while I was sleeping on the mattress on the floor, I was awakened in my sleep and I heard the words, " Do not fear for I am with you"  rings very clearly. I immediately went on my knees and I prayed. I thanked the Lord for HIS words of comfort and I knew that HE would make all things good. 

While at the camp, my challenges were the physical challenges in jungle night walk and the caving activity. I made a silent prayer even at the very last moment of the activity. I prayed that the Lord would strengthened me and give protection upon the lives around me so that we can enjoy His beauty. I prayed that my heart would not give way and cause me problems but to allow me to enjoy His beautiful creation and have a really great time with my family, my commanders and the children. As I am here, writing this stuff down, I am truly amazed and thankful how GOD had preserved my life. I prayed too that He would preserved the children's lives and make them understand HIS creation of life. So thankful to my leaders ( young and old ) who had worked so tirelessly and merticulously in ensuring the safety, the enjoyment and the fun of the children. 

Like I said earlier, if I were to die that day, I would rather die in the hands of my commanders and be with my Rangers children doing what I like most - outdoor activities! ( I don't know if it would traumatic for them or happiness for them ! Hahahahah.......) There is no better satisfaction than that. Yes, to die doing God's will for the children in the Royal Rangers ministry. Prior to this camp, I had initially wanted to quit the Royal Rangers ministry while making this SUMO Camp 2011 as my swansong activity. I have even confessed to my commanders and friends of this intention until Bee Ling gave me these words of encouragement from the Lord during the 2nd Night Rally P&W session :

"I have looked into your heart. I know you are still moving on with the vision I have placed in you. Now, you are beginning to see the fruits of your labour for me. I know all your plans, you planned them with a pure heart and for that I am blessed. For all your plans I was there to bless you as you have blessed my heart. I have never stop loving you." - Amen.

These words encouraged me and lifted me a lot spiritually. I have never been more encouraged in my life. I seriously don't know what I'll do next but I know that I won't quit now though this body of mine may be more fragile than ever as the years go by. I guess, physical bodies won't lie especially the tweaks and creaks of the bones but the spirit in me stay strong as ever. So, to parents, my commanders, children and friends, let's continue to encourage one another because you'll never know what your words of encouragement can do to another person. Me? I am just another instrument of GOD in a great symphony orchestra of moulding, shaping and building lives the best way I know how. What is the purpose of this writing, you may ask? It is simple - I just need your understanding and great patience on this old Hainanese man called Ivan, your love for this ministry and your commitment in supporting this ministry.  See the leaders and young lives that we have built over the years. That's all I asked for. Now, this is truly the confession from my heart!~