All Fired Up!

There are times we just lose our cool and we just have a complete shutdown or worst still, get into an anger mode. Well, I am guilty as charged last week. I am not going to be civil about it or play it down but I’m going to be forthright about it. Sometimes, we really give too much credit to the devil than to the actual person itself. I am not going to mince my words and say that what I did was right or wrong. There is simply no need for justification except that what I did was indeed wrong. My reaction to the whole situation was wrong. Period!
Why? Simply because I gave room for people to hurt me, to put me down and even to an extent of intelligence insult. I should have stood silently , stand firm, be a gentleman and accept what was thrown at me and walk away with head held high after the meeting. I should have looked for an amicable solution, explain in a proper manner and extend a level of coolness in the head. Instead, I walked away in anger and put myself exactly into the hands of pain, insults and disappointment in the first place. I guess, in times like this, I should always ask myself if I have learnt anything at all in my 44 years of life? At that time, I just wanted to walk away rather than picking up a fight later on. So, I left in great despair and in haste plus anger burning in me. A good friend of mine had often reminded me that His grace is more than sufficient for me and that I should not light up as quickly as a matchstick head . I have told my friend that I have been improving bit by bit but I guess, not as much as I liked. This same friend continually reminded me that my Jesus had suffered more pains, sufferings, humiliation and beatings that anyone else in this world and He bore my sins. So, I guess, I have indeed been impulsive and intolerant.
Like I used to say, I will not stand for injustice , arrogance and self-centredness – be it friends or foe. There is never an end to this as long as we are humans, right? So, in what level of injustice, arrogance and self-centredness will you react? I will not answer that for you because every nut case is different , right? So be it! What I have learnt is that it is never easy to express what you want to express to people and probably, hurt them after all along the way.
Yeah ! I was upset and I was in a state of much disbelief that day. But I am ever more grateful that even the cop who stopped me after I made a bad turn, let me off with a stern talk and later with a smile. Then it hit me hard. Here was a cop who knows absolutely nothing about me and yet after I profusely apologized for my wrongful act, he forgave me and gave me a warning and a smile. I guess, at that time, I was so immersed with so much disappointment that I just lost it – the marbles and the bearings! But that act by the cop made me realized a lot. Yes, it took me a day or two to see it but hey, at least , I can see clearly now. Firstly, don’t do a wrong turn ; the cops will be behind you in a few seconds. Second, apologise profusely from your heart and thirdly, pray that he would find it in your heart to forgive you! That day, I had my son with me in the car. I guess, that makes it much worse for me to try to explain to him what I did was wrong indeed. The embarrassment of him and the look in his face in seeing his father in anger is enough humiliation for me, really! I guess, I would have to live with that for the rest of my life and start all over again.
The purpose of me writing this piece is to say that I am a very explosive person but over the years, I have tone down considerably a lot with help from my wife, my children, good friends, and prayers but occasionally, it would just creep up. No offence intended and no offence taken. I am not going to give excuses on this because there is simply none. It is just my instaneous reaction to matters that I would have to learn to control considerably.
I am thankful too to friends who called me up and we spoke at length on the matter minus the cop part. Thank you for your understanding. I am facing the giants every day of my life and nothing is impossible with God! Absolutely nothing! By God, I am learning! I really am and I really should be more patient. But again, patience do run out sometimes, right? No excuse, though!~