A little bit of Lekor.....

Last few days, I had been away in Kuantan for work. I must say, though, the work experience there had taught me a lot and I do felt blessed in many ways. It started out with a late evening sms message which I received telling me to pack my bags and head down to Kuantan for some work on Saturday morning. Though I was tired and no less annoyed, I gladly took up the challenge as it was just pure work and being a worker I am paid to respond to work. So , dutifully, I packed my bags and got myself ready for work. I started out early morning to my office to clear up and tie up loose end of my previous day work before I burn some rubbers for my work trip to Kuantan. Before that, I had tucked in some nice roti canai and a cup of teh tarik for the travel. One thing I dread the most for the work trip was my financial constraint and I really had to be on budget. Afterall, it's not actually rocket science to understand that the finance drains a lot as it gets towards the end of the month period. For a wage earner like me it is all about the balancing the budget. I am being brutally honest about this as sometimes people tend to think that money grow on trees!

Anyway, I am very thankful to my dear wife, SLing for helping me through this as I told her that I need to go Kuantan for work. She just understood me so well that she got the money part ready for me and got my clothes ready, packed and so on. Honestly, I had budgeted just enough for the trip and I know that a bulk of  it will go to hotel bill. Anyway, upon arrival in Kuantan, somehow everything seemed to go haywire a little bit and there seemed to be a miscommunication on hotel accommodation and I ended up in a rather dodgy hotel which many said was run down a lot. I tend to agree but there wasn't any room available as it was a packed Saturday,man. Anyway, I wasn't gonna make a fuss about it as I just needed a place to lie down to sleep and get to my work as early as possible to get my work done.

I am thankful to Janice who actually took the trouble to call me on the first day I arrived in Kuantan and asked me out for dinner. I had to decline as I had to work that day and all the running to get a hotel room kinda stressed me out a bit. So, after settling down, I was extremely exhausted and I bought a pack of Gardenia butterscotch bread to keep my morning fills for the next few days. It was indeed satisfying when you enjoy the simple things of life like eating some bread on a cold morning sipping a steaming hot cup of coffee.......ah! That's life,man! Anyway, I am extremely extremely thankful that Mr & Mrs Phua ( Abby's parents) for taking me out for dinner - two nights in a row and fed me with good food indeed. I felt truly so blessed and humbled by the experience. I must say that I really really enjoyed their company for dinner and fellowshipping with them. Uncle Phua even took me and auntie to Zenith Hotel and showed me around plus explained to me a lot about Kuantan happenings over the years. I was truly blessed and enriched by this experience. I thank God for sending these people in my life, blessing and enriching my life with theirs. Mr.& Mrs. Phua not only gave me wonderful meals at two huge restaurants ( one across the bridge while the other one is at Air Putih ), they shared experiences in their lives that mattered most to them and I am deeply honored and touched by that. So,THANK YOU, Janice, Mr. & Mrs Phua!

Yunno, as I worked at the office in Kuantan, I started each day with a prayer. A prayer to be given strength, wisdom, courage and love as I carry out my work and I also prayed for the staffs to be calm, wise and considerate as well. I did not bother anyone as I got my own breakfast, my own lunch and even my own dinner.( Thanks again to Mr & Mrs Phua! ) Afterall, they all have had problems of their own at work for the past one hectic month and I decided not to add anymore burden to them or be a burden to them. I told myself that I am going to be part of their solution and churned out my work the best I could. So, I kept my end of the bargain and even on the day I left, I still reported for work as usual that morning and left at about 10.30am that Tuesday morning but not before finishing some more work for the day. I guess, the one experience I enjoyed most while I was here in Kuantan was my morning walks to work and my evening walks to the hotel. Yup! I walked to work from hotel to workplace and walked back to the hotel in the evenings.It was solid 15 -20minutes walk frequently meeting up with boisterous, curvy and extremely "friendly" transvestite. Well, I later found out in an awkward way that the street where my hotel was is actually one of the hub centre for transvestite. Well, I judged no one and so, I went along with my walks and do my work. I don't patronise such lifestyle but when you have a face like mine, they stay away from you. Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa......Thanks, Dad, for the "looks"! Then it was the fun of getting some keropoks, tidbits and keropok lekor-lar! I wanted to bless the staffs and friends in Melaka. I decided to do some hunting for these items. Afterall, I have been blessed so much - why shouldn't I bless others, right? BTW, I stayed on budget and still got enough to get me home safely. I have been truly blessed. I know that HE is watching over me everyday and I felt BLESSED! Who wouldn't be , right?

Heart matters....

Being in leadership for the past 15 years in church ministry had taught me an awful lot. I must confess though that I used to have a vile temper,  impatient , have a strict disposition and I have a face that would make the dog/cat cringe in anguish when I stare. After all being said and done, I must confess that I have learnt a lot over the years but certain values remain in me.  In my years of being a leader, I must humbly confess that I learned a lot from other leaders and the youth/children that comes with the ministry. Yes, plenty of flowery characters walked through that corridor of leadership and youthful internship. Some are just plain nasty and cunning while some are just pencil pushers and mandor while some are just family. One thing is for sure, we do learn from each other - leaders to leaders, leaders to youth, leaders to children.  However, I have come to realise that good & great leaders are usually the ones who are strict and sometimes, very stern/principled in a lot of matters but at the same time approachable, sociable and always with a genuine care. I do count myself extremely privileged and honored to work alongside some of the best and finest leaders in the ministry. I know that in today's leadership climate, you want an open, happy go lucky, easy -going and "not so threatening" leaders in your midst so that you can "bully " them, right?  Frankly, these type of leadership failed most of the time as they can become popular or a populist very fast but they cannot handle the real situation when it warrants a whip or a real hard look at life. You can debate with me all you can but if you continue to be a crowd-pleaser leader, your leadership will be very tested and warped at times. Afterall, you bend a little at a time, you will compromise your entire integrity bit by bit and when that integrity is gone - what is there to defend of yourself? Yes, you will be popular for all I care but you don't deal with the real issues at hand. When the real issues comes round the corner, can you actually answer or help or stand up to deal with the exploding issues? My principled stand is always this :- Prevention is way much better than cure! 

Well, allow me to enlighten you that these so-called "hard core" leaders are actually very much likeable people but their values and virtues are different. The difference is truth, honesty and transparency. You have never seen how these so-called "hard leaders" sometimes get hurt by taking the bullet for the team or get hurt by very hurtful remarks hurled at them at great length or getting abused by what they stood for. They just stood there, received all the complaints and what not and would not blame the team or any person for it. Good leaders stands up and be counted even when no one sees it. Good leaders takes the bullet of hurtful remarks when others would just whither away from their responsibilities or practised "tai chi shift blame" stand. Good leaders cautioned and speak facts and figure without any malice. Words may be harsh and may be stern but it is the correction from the heart and not the flaunting of tempers. The fact remained that these leaders are actually the most caring and most loving people. They shield the pains and hurts from the ones they care and love a lot. When you hurt them, it is like plunging a knife to their hearts but though wounded and hurt, they would not turn away from you but will continue to support you in whatever way they can and love you as their own. That is the characteristics of a good, stern & strict leader. It is the heart of these leaders that amazes me a lot. They built their relationship with leaders and young people with these simple principles and on the good footing of the Word. To me, these leaders are family to me for a simple reason. Their hearts are always enriched with forgiveness, no malice and when you are in trouble, they are the reliable ones. They are the ones who will be around even when others had walked away from your life after your disaster in life. They are the ones who will walk you through that path of recovery when no one else gives a two hoots about you. They are the ones who will pick you up by your hand and tell you loud and clear - " Start again! " to pick up the very pieces of your life. I have seen "hooha" leaders, big talkers, populist leaders clowned and weaved their ways through the lives of young ones and ends up on the other side of the room. The minute difficult times comes or a disaster had befall you, not even the sight, shadow or smell of these clowns will be around but it is the strict and stern ones who will put out their hand and say " Take my hand. It will be alright." 

My experiences in life are enriched with these experiences. I can say and write about these things because I have seen it happening and experienced it myself in one way or another. I wasn't born yesterday with all the ready-made virtues and values embedded in my life. People like this colored my life and gave me a hope and meaningful movement in my life.  If I were to put these stories of my life in writing, I'll probably be writing for days but suffice to say that I am privileged to call these leaders - my family and the ones I can trust my life with in times of troubles and pain. Wouldn't you want someone like that to be your leader and your friend? I learnt the other day that I can't make that decision for you to choose but the prompting of the heart by God can! Take care and have a great & blessed day ahead!~    

Help Find William Yau...

Hi everyone, we could all play our part in whatever way we can to ensure that William is back with his family. Post a picture of this poster, send out FB messages, Twitter or even gather in your respective group to pray for God's grace and mercy for William. 

Let's continue to be on the lookout for him or even make sure that he remains unharmed.

Please, let us continue to pray for William Yau to be restored to his family.

THANK YOU!

_________________________________________________________________________________

P/s I am very much saddened and stricken with sorrow by the discovery of the body of William Yau. 

MAY GOD BLESS HIS SOUL!

February, 2013

Fun fishing....

Happiness, to me , has always been doing what I like the most which is fishing. This is one of the little pleasures of my life which I have very little time to carry out as age goes forward but the fire to fight a good fish or for that matter any fish is still a passion of mine. I am not particularly crazy of pulling out big , monstrous or humongous fish. To me, I am satisfied just sitting at a nice fishing spot; with my cap on to shield the ray of sun and running my line in the waters. To share this moment with my two colleagues, Teo & Sathiya made it more enjoyable because Teo had been my fishing "kaki" for some time now while Sathiya is the "newcomer". So, I really wanted to "teach" as much as I can and at the same, enjoy my little hobby.  

So , off we go to the "back yard " of Sathiya's hometown for our fishing experience. I brought my modest freshwater fishing kit box, 15 baby frogs and some brown -colored works for the fishing experiment. You see, it was a new place for us and so, I bought the baits I thought would be useful for the trip.At the end of the day, it's chicken livers and heart that made the best baits ( courtesy of Teo! )  for this place. To be honest, I was hoping that we would not go back empty-handed. Even if we did, it would be worth the lesson and experience. That's how I see it when it comes with fishing. There would be good days and there would be not so nice days too. 

I guess in many ways, fishing is not for everyone. It does take a lot of patience and passion. You could have all the fishing tools and equipment in the world but if you don't have the "heart " for it, you'll end up empty -handed. I guess, in many way, fishing helped me to calm down and made me think a lot about things whenever I am in a rut.  This is not justification to what I do but it could easily be a form of escapism too. No matter what your reasons are, it is entirely up to you.  To me, I just want to relax my mind, enjoy the scenery and enjoy the adrenaline tug of having a fish at the end of your line! So, off we cart down our equipments and settled in at a spot we like. What a contrast indeed! On one side of there sits a calm and serene pond which I will call the Mirror Pond while the other was turbulent, choppy,windy and murkier waters which I shall call Windy Pond. For some time, we fished at the Mirror Pond and Teo got the first fish of the day, one big yellowish Ikan Betuk. We clapped and cheered like mad men on the streets. One carnival like atmosphere as far as we were concerned. It was a real fun and happy site. Sathiya and I tried every trick of the book in techniques and baits but to no avail to pull any more fish out of Mirror Pond.

Then we started fishing at Windy Pond. That's  where the fishing action were! Sathiya got the very first catfish and the carnival starts. There were back slapping, congratulatory hand slaps and photograph sessions. Happy Sathiya with his widest smile and grin, I tell you. The joy and the smiles on his face says it all, actually. To me, that is my reward for the day - the smile on the face of my colleagues. As we continued to pull another 7 catfish from the pond, ( we had a total of 8 catfish that day ) the spread of joy and smiles were enormously felt. It feels good to fish  with friends and have such a great time. It wasn't so much for the fish but the fun of teasing one another, discuss a little bit of our lives, exchanging of ideas and speaking from our hearts made this fishing outing a real special one for all of us. For me, my greatest reward is seeing the wide smiles and joy etched on the faces of my colleagues.These simple things meant BIG to me! No amount of money, fame or position could outstrip that kind of joy, I tell you. Just plain, simple and meaningful fellowship! Sometimes, a thousand sermons would not touch a single life /heart but one simple fellowship could open endless door of opportunity! We need to reach out and touch lives with our lives first.

Later that evening as I drove my colleagues to their respective homes, we stopped by for a simple meal and  talked about the ones that were lost during our fish fights. More laughter, more teasing and more fun filled the air. It was a good way to end a good evening. Now, Sathiya has the bragging rights of fishing the most fish of the day ( 4 in total - they say, it's the beginner's luck! ) and the smiles are wider each time we mentioned the champion of the day! To me,  I want to thank the Lord for giving me the opportunity to have a good time with my friends/colleagues and touch lives in whatever way I could. And Lord, thank you for the fishes, too! Mom would know what to do with them - either plain goreng with kunyit or sambal ikan keli , right? Eitehr way, it's yummy...........          . 

Values...

This morning as I sent my daughter to the dentist for her regular dental appointment, I battled within my self , " Should I let her go on her own? Or Should I accompany her as well?" I guess, this is the daily dilemma each parent go through when dealing with their growing up teenager. Well, I must confess that I am no different. If I were in my generation or rather as they put it "in our times" , I would have gladly left my daughter to go to the appointment herself though I would drive her there but somehow, these are different times ( or is it? ) as my two inner voices collided with each other. Looking at her , I often wonder if she could take care of herself and do her things independently. I guess, in many ways, I am protective over my children but at the same time, I want them to learn to live independently but still remain humble, polite, respectful and independent at the same time. I will not interfere in their lives but that doesn't keep me from using/pulling out the whip to shape them back into the line when they go astray.

Anyway, as the "battle" rages on, I decided that I would allow her to go to her appointment and deal with it instead of dotting along with her. Afterall, she had grown up and she would be able to react and do things in a rationale manner. Anyway, after listening to her after her appointment, I felt that she still had many things to learn though she did very well on her own. Deep down in my heart, I sometimes wish that she would have asked , probed more and reacted more but slowly and surely, she is getting the idea of dealing with people. 

As a parent, we can only wish and hope our children would be able to fend for themselves independently. I am an advocate of such ways but I also believe that the younger generation had become too dependent on family and the government crutches. To me, honestly, I do not expect anything from my children except that they behave themselves, have self-respect, remain respectful and work independently for their future. I sometimes feel as though I am such a failed father when my children don't do well in their lives. I do honestly feel that way but the solace from God has thus far become my guide. Though I don't show much of my emotion on the outside but deep down inside, it cuts me up bad. Anyway, being parents, we still have to toughen up and help out our children whenever is possible. By the way, you can only that much for your children. The rest is simply up to them to wake up, smell the roses and going through the removing of everyday thorns from their lives. 

Seriously, as a parent, I hate laziness and "tidak apa" attitude from my children. I will not budge a single inch when it comes to "tidak apa" attitude, disrespectful and plain laziness attitude. I must say confidently that I would not be where I am today if I had practised these mantras of human failings. Let us not overly-pamper our children but let us be aware of their surroundings, their decision-making, the friends they mix and the places they go. Make it a point to know these thing because like I always warn - the world is always the willing parent for our children lest it will lead them to their dark abyss at times. Let's be mindful, watchful and patient parents. We do not want to restrict our children but we want to let them go but hold on to dear things we hold precious in the sight of God. Let God be the center of our lives and the lives of our children. See the transformation through God and may His Word enrich their lives as it enriched our lives.  

The right to stand up......

A few days ago, there has been a lot of hue and cry over the electronic media on why should the gathering at Stadium Merdeka be held and so on. There had been supporters from both side of the town on this matter and though I must be seen as bias on this occasion because I actually do support this rally/gathering and whatever you want to name it. Like I said over the blogs for so many times, the people are frustrated over the happenings in this beloved country of ours. detractors cannot say any of us are unpatriotic simply because we are Malaysians and we love this country irrespective of race and creed. I love my country and I daresay this present government had gone so very wrong over the years. Please do not judge me over my political bend but rather look into my argument on why such gathering would help make the government of the day to realise that we are not fools and please listen to our pleas. Do people have to died in police custody or get flung out of the window from Plaza Masalam to get the country's and government of the day's attention? 

We lived in a society which is so frantically fragile but yet understanding strata of various race and cultures. Frustrations of seeing failed/unfinished community projects, exorbitant rates for projects, white elephant buildings/project, sub-standard building, sub-standard services and blatant putting up of money making surveillance cameras pushed even the simplest folks of every fabric layer of the society to think if there is ever any hope for the future of our children and when will our country go bust. The  ever increasing & daring crimes plus the ever rising cost of daily living had pushed even the sanest working folks to major despair and increasing coronary spasms and fatal heart attacks. As a normal citizen of this country, I can't help but feel hostility paranoid and deep mistrust towards my country leaders which I shall call buffoons and irresponsible as more down to earth citizens are driven to their early graves each year. 

To be honest, I made up my mind long time ago that the present government of the day has to go ever since I made my decision to walk along the corridors of the private sector. The amount of filthy corrupts practises, the "couldn't care less" attitude and the rush for corrupt supplies, projects and services just made my stomach churned in a sickening fashion. Sure, there are plenty of people who benefited from such practises who will want to continue this trend of supporting the corrupters but at what price? Our EPF - old age savings fund? Higher income tax payments? Or implement the 6% GST to garner in more funds? Perhaps, more AES cameras to bring in the cash so that the people can be made to pay up for ridiculous traffic offence while two private companies profit from such implementation? It is no secret nor it doesn't take a genius to understand that whenever elections are around the corner, "enthusiastic" roadblocks and traffic summons will suddenly mushroomed. It is as though we had not contributed enough in this country. Look at the food prices. Look at what RM 50 can do for your grocery shopping today AND whenever the government servants get a pay raise, daily food products will increase undoubtedly. Oh! Please! Do check this point out. This is frustrations from the heart.

Sure, we are to be thankful to the government but wait, isn't it our money too that contributed to the building of this and that? Yeah! We are taxpayers too and however small our contribution was IS a contribution to our nation building. Aren't those public funds that have to govern in transparency and with integrity? I am primarily concerned in feeding my family. When lives becomes hard like what I am feeling these days, I would surely take my feet and walk to the lanes and roads that will lead to Stadium Merdeka and stand to be counted! Sure, you may say what is the use being under the hot blazing sun just to hear a few big shot fellas to speak about nation building, right? Well, for one thing, at least, I am NOT PAID to go there just as I am NOT PAID when I joined the BERSIH Rally in my own hometown! I went to these rally on my own accord simply because I believe that CHANGE must come if our children and children's children were to live in this beloved country of ours or at least , have a decent life in this country of ours. I am not a PENDATANG - My mom and dad are legally born here in Malaysia and I am proud to be a Malaysian. Always will be and always will stay a Malaysian. It is sad that as Malaysians, we still get this stigma and tag wherever we go , serve or even apply for jobs. I guess, we still breed racism and racist in our government machinery especially in schools today. Until today, I can't understand that an educator ( many others, though) at the highest level could utter a racist line and still be promoted in the government machinery and stay in the system. Isn't that a reality no matter how hard one tries to camouflage it? We raised/promoted racists to breed racism. Just as we raised corrupters to breed corruption! For more than 50 years, we, the people of Malaysia had allowed such shameful and inhumane acts of degradation of our culture, self-respect and the plundering of our country's wealth into the hands of manipulators.  We cannot deny the factor that the gap between the haves and the have nots had widen tremendously as the businesses and provision economies are practically presented to the hands of a few players. What a tragedy indeed! 

I say it again and I will say it loud  - CHANGE! We must embrace ourselves for the CHANGE. If we continue to allow the government of the day to continue to slumber in this corrupted way of running this country and plunder our country resources into oblivion, our nation will go bust and daily essentials will sky-rocket. By the way, there is absolutely no need to BULLSHIT or paint a rosy picture over our economy. A plate of economy rice in KL today is priced between RM 6.00 to RM 7.00 today while young graduates who took PTPTN loans or whatever institution loans needs to do repayment instead of being given a free pass of non-repayment. Check the list and you will see for yourself who the real defaulters are! The rot has to stop and tell me, just for argument sake, why wouldn't I make my walk towards Stadium Merdeka? Even if I did not actually make my walk there, I am already there in spirit and supporting the cause. Who wouldn't? Janji diTepati or Janji Di Capati! ( I overheard this during my coffee stop today! )

Gather in Peace! Beloved MALAYSIANS!

To ALL peace-loving Malaysians out there,

BE STRONG, BE CIVIL & BE SAFE!

Morning....funnies....

This morning, I woke up early and got myself ready to go to a nearby factory to meet up with a client for my work. As always, I would put on my best working clothes and ensured that I was presentable before meeting up the client. It doesn't matter who the client was as I would still get myself ready for work. So, I put on a white shirt followed by a beach colored pants. Stuck a ballpoint pen and a silver gel pen in my front shirt pocket and looked sharp indeed.

I then drove to my destination and upon arrival, I parked my car at the designated "Visitors" car park lot located outside the factory. My client had not arrived or rather I was early for my appointment. At that time, there weren't many people reporting for work at the factory as it was still early. Slowly but surely as the time passed, more workers started to arrive for work. By this time, I was out of the car, holding on to my file, a small measuring tape and my handphone. Suddenly, as more workers arrived at the factory, I may be wrong but I could feel as though almost 1 in every 3 workers seemed to give me the "stare" and the unpleasant "look". I felt awkward at first but I just shrugged it off until  the next car parked next to my car. A young guy probably in the age of 25 - 26 years old came out and looked at me intently. At first, I didn't bother much. Bu t as the minutes passed, I could feel that the stares were undoubtedly deliberate act and so, I did what was the most logical thing to do -  I stared back and put on my best "You will die first!" look! Maybe, just maybe, because of not-so-nice expression & Charles Bronson like-lines on my face, the young man hurriedly left his car, tap-in for work but lingered near the guardhouse. For the next few minutes, I seemed to get a lot of stares like that and I didn't back down either with my facial expression.

Finally, my client arrived and I immediately went to do my work, document and photographed my subject - the m/lorry. I spoke to my client on the necessary documents of which I would require, opened my file and wrote the facts down as much as I could gather. As I know that this driver had been a regular at this factory, out of curiosity,  I began to ask him why the workers seemed to be hostile-like in nature. He took one look at the workers and one look at me and then burst out in loud laughter. The Indian fella said this to me in his Indian slang " Brader, I think, they think you are the car re-possessor-lar! That's why they look at you one kind-lar! " What????? Car repossessor!!! No wonder, they acted as though they want to send me to my early grave! I managed to gather info that as most of the employees cars are parked outside the factory, it was easy for the bank officers and car re-possessors to identify and re-possessed the cars when payments to the banks are defaulted. We both laughed and then I bid farewell to my client before heading out to my office.

Car re-possessor! What a way to start the day, indeed!~ You can miss 10 car monthly installment payments for all I care!

Open heart...

There are days you loathe because you have bad days and so on while there are days you are jumping up and down some over-energized 5 year old with a brand new toy in hand. We all have days like that and we wish that the days would be like the 5 year olds having a time of his/her life. The fact of the matter as we grow up physically, mentally and socially, we all have to do split decisions in our lives especially in a fast fast world we live in. Some are so extremely fast that we don't have time to think and that's where the danger lies. There are some decision or situation we assess that may be correct at that time and seen so wrong afterwards. I was caught in one of that situation.

I must admit that I am not Mister-Know-It-All and I am genuinely as flawed as any other human being. I honestly try to live my life the best way I know how and I don't give a two hoots on what people think of me or perceived of me. That's the very least of my problem, actually. You see, I want to be as genuine as possible with people and I want to live with a clear conscience in my life. If I have to hurt people along the way for being truthful, I will do it because that's the only way I know how. Forgive me for my sometimes crude, unpolished and not-so-sweet way of putting things across. I believe not in sugar-coating what I say or feed sweeteners to people who talk to me. I have always said this and I will say it again - what you see is what you get. What I am trying to say is that I am far from perfect and if I do mistakes, I am MAN enough to own up and say I am sorry. No two ways about it as far as I am concerned.

The other day I was in a situation that was rather disturbing. At one glance, I had fallen to the greatest fallacy of my own - Assumption without my usual investigative works. Normally, I would weigh and consider a lot of matters but the processor in my head and heart was way too fast. I had outrightly broken the very first principle I had set for myself which is Assume Nothing! It disturbed me a lot and instaneously, I was bashed with a tidal wave of shame and a load of burden. I had done what I ought not to do and I felt the burden immediately. I could not but felt pain in my heart and I couldn't even connect with the Lord that had been my greatest rock in life. I lay awake each night without fail and I bow down at the feet of my Maker seeking the redemption of peace. I shed tears at the service of my Lord and I really felt sorry for the situation I was in and for the people too. I tossed and turned on my bed seeking rest and sleep but knowing in my heart what I had to do after hours on my knees pleading to my Maker for some signs of comfort. I guess, in many ways, I had been comforted by the balm of healing from the Lord. I made amends by speaking to the people involved in my situation and I do hope my explanation and advises are suffice. I DO care for the people that are involved in my situation and getting them hurt is furthest from my mind. I just hope they understand that.

So, I want to genuinely apologise to the people who are involved in my situation and I say again that I'm SO SORRY. At least, I owned up and man enough to know I am wrong when I am wrong. This is not justification of my actions but rather a wake-up call for me to more thorough with my head and heart before I assume anything. It is never easy for me to see people hurt eventhough outwardly I can be very harsh if I want to. Bah! It has nothing to do with my age as well as I have been consistently sharp, bold and sometimes looked cruel when and if I need to. Like I said, I don't give a two hoots! My stand is crystal clear - If I am wrong , I will apologise but if I am right, I will stand up boldly. We all have to make a stand somewhere, someday , somehow  in our lives and I DID, a long long time ago! Looking forward to more solace in the Word!

YES! That's right!....

Thank you , Jega! You made my day, my friend!

Lesson learnt.....

One of my resolution for the year 2013 is to know God's word and to learn more from the Word. Therefore, yesterday, I signed up for ISOM Tri-semester bible study at CCC Church. I must say that I was quite reserved at first but I hold on to my promise of taking the initiative to learn God's word for my life enrichment. I did not know what to expect or what to do except to enjoy the lesson. Certainly, the people attending and running the program made everyone at ease and I was the newbie in the class. It feels like I am in Std One again in school but a much much better environment. Afterall, there were coffee, tea and assorted of food to fill our palate every time we have a break.

As we started out the lesson, the first two topics were "Integrity of Heart" and the second topic is "Forgiveness". When I learned that these were the topics, I was completely dumbfounded. You see, earlier in the morning, I had prayed to the Lord that I am determined to learn His Word this year and draw closer to Him with the comfort of the Word. Never in my wildest dream that these two topics would indeed be quite apparent in use in the later part of the day. As the lesson went on, I soaked in every bit of the Word I could learn and it was really pleasing to learn the Word. So much revelation.I am really thankful that I could learn so much from the Word and surprisingly, I really enjoyed it. I don't care if I pass or fail the exams that will come with it. The fact is that for once in my life - I am enjoying learning the Word itself and that itself is a great reward for me. Honestly, I've got nothing to prove except to learn and inspire wherever I am.

We could learn a thing or two from the Genesis 20:1-6 where by the setting is where a man of faith has violated honesty while a pagan King responded with integrity. The emphasis on the integrity of the heart is so important. The study of integrity of the heart brings much revelation to a much ailing world today. We all need integrity in our hearts as we wade through the works of the day in our daily lives. The next word was   Matthew 18 : 21-35 which depicts the Father's heart towards our burdens, debts of sins and guilt. It talks of forgiveness and the forgiving spirit. Yeah, forgiving someone for the mistakes or the evil they do is difficult but it is the Word and we must obey. Nobody says it is going to be easy but it is the Word.

I do look forward to the next lesson. I just won't know what is in store for me as I take this new journey indeed. Whatever it is, I know God has a reason for it!~ Just have to trust Him, I guess!~

2013...Get set...Go!

A few days ago, my family and I celebrated New Year 2013 in our stride amidst all the beautiful , wonderfully noisy and pompous celebrations of fireworks, laughters, voices and an extra throw of food along the way. It was a good general celebration celebrated throughout the country, no doubt but I felt more blessed and at home by the gathering of good family and friends. 

As I sat reflecting on the year of 2012 which had gone by, I am indeed thankful for so many things which had happened in my life. Sure, there are good and not-so-good memories but one thing is sure - God had been pivotal in shaping my life to where I am today. I give thanks to the One Above for so many blessings especially for me to be able to breathe each day is itself a blessing. Truly, I am humbled by the fact that to wake up each morning and to know I am alive is just really awesome.  I am thankful too that He had given me an able partner in life in the form of SLing and garnished it with some anxious, trying & fine moments of life with grown-up children, JWee and SYuen. Afterall, teenagers and young adults have a mind of their own when they started to grow up. Some say, it is the Y Generation but I say, it's a problem no matter if it is the X,Y or Z generation!

So, the next question, which is obvious,  is what I look forward to for the year 2013 , right? Well, I kinda have many things I want to do and fulfill for the year 2013. I am REALLY DONE when it comes to weight because I like my plumpness! ( Sorry ladies! I am the laterally challenged one and I have really plump genes! So, I have given up hope on dieting! New resolution on food : EAT-lar! ) Seriously, I really look forward to many changes I want to make on myself. No-lar, I cannot be better looking than Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise, right? So, I'll stick to being handsome ME in my own way!

Seriously, the one thing I want to make a greater effort this year 2013 is to be closer to God and to learn His Word earnestly. I believe that as one draw closer to God, life gets more meaningful.  I plan not to be super duper spiritual because I am not that type but I just want to do what is right and just in His sight. For far too long, we compromised our lives a lot and I see that too in my life. We tweaked here and there to get away when all that is required is simple faith in Him. I too will learn to say NO and lessen down on the YES when it doesn't warrant it. I could re-count the times I tried to do things the way I want and failed miserably but when there seemed no way, God opened the doors wide open for my life. I seriously want to win that favour from God. It is so important for me.

The one thing I really want to change is my explosive temper. Yup! I did it again yesterday. It is not something I am proud of but I really am just so sick when people take advantage or play stupid during work. I guess, I am more disturbed when people would just not "speak up" or play possum when it comes to responsibility and work. But one thing I was proud of myself was that I took some time off and went to the office pantry to cool off. Solitary confinement sometimes helps you to reflect on a lot of matters. Honestly, my fuse just goes off whenever I see an unjust occurrence or a rude response. Anyway, I MUST learn to be more calm in situations of life. So, this is one of my resolution for the year. I will make a greater effort to be calmer.

Lastly, my next resolution is just to be happy. Yeah, I know.......this is so subjective , right? Well, to me, it's isn't that subjective or complicated. Being happy really heals you a lot. There are many small things I do that make me happy. The smell of a bowl of nice fragrant rice makes me happy or even a cup of nicely brewed Black tea makes me happy while deep-fried spice-infused pork leg maketh me doubly -happy! Seriously, they don't have to be dramatic things in life. It is counting the blessings for smaller things that makes me happy. Maybe, just maybe, age is catching you may say or you may presume I am going bonkers but the fact remains that if you look at the small pleasures in life, those are the one that makes you happy the most. So, I am resolute to enjoy those happy smaller moments and I am contented if I could have as many as possible fine smaller moments in life to cheer up this fragile heart of mine. These are the moments that last a lifetime in your memory and would bring a lot of cheer to your heart. Yeah, I am a sentimental and compassionate fool, you may say but I do enjoy  my moments. ( Yeah, I do have a lot of these moments and that's what keeps me very much alive!)

So, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013 and may your dreams, aspirations and hopes be fulfilled for the year. BTW, have a really GREAT year ahead!